


Your Ugly Face

by 21CrumbledShadows12



Series: The Unexpected [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (Video Games)
Genre: Drags on into Season 7, F/M, Find out for yourself, Fluff and Angst, Hatred, In Love, Jealousy, Lucille - Freeform, Mistreatment, Rage, Slow Burn, Unknown Love, pre-season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9061189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21CrumbledShadows12/pseuds/21CrumbledShadows12
Summary: "What's up little pig? You come to bother me with that fucking high pitched voice of yours again?"
"Actually..." You began promptly, "I need a favor." He perked up at that, his lips upturning into a grin.
"And what might that be? Because I sure as hell ain't fucking that stink ass." You rolled your eyes, for a split moment wondering why it had to be you that he found so unattractive. But it didn't matter, Peter, remember?
"I need you to teach me how to flirt." Negan's eyes widened slightly, he pulled his glasses off as his face turned stoic as it had been when you entered. He placed the glasses down in front of him before letting out a sigh, almost as if you were wasting his time. pinching the bridge of his nose, he looked up and said...





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sure if this is interesting at all. So tell me if you guys like it and I will continue it. I have a lot of ideas for this story. I was just so sick of reading stories where the reader is immediately attracted to Negan, or plays hard to get and ends up with him anyways. I needed change because in reality I do not think that is how it would go, especially after what happened to Glenn.

When you had arrived at the Sanctuary, from day one, you had already been working your way up the ladder of hierarchical power. Something that Simon and Dwight and Fat Joe and basically every other Savior just loved to joke about. You had been unloaded from the truck with your group, people you would see shortly after but would hardly ever confront as the days went on. Negan had somehow seen something in you, maybe it was the fact that you had nearly beaten one of his men to a pulp or just maybe it was because he had literally seen something in your eyes. It didn't go unnoticed by anybody that day that despite all of the guns you still had managed to put up a fight. It was something your father had taught you, something that your mother had enforced: you keep fighting till your last breath, no regrets.

  
Negan brought you in personally that day, you both had your talk, later that week you would eventually become one of his elites. A lot of the other Saviors liked you, you didn't talk much but you also didn't keep to yourself. No doubt you were far from a social butterfly, however, the witty banter that you would share with the men was just enough to keep you up on their status meter. As for Negan, he liked to keep you around a lot, but the conversations never strayed far from professional or friendly. Needless to say you weren't picked because you had a nice ass or a pretty face. In fact, nobody would have guessed that physical appearance was the reason you had become one of his tops after seeing the way Negan treated you. That was because Negan didn't seem to like you sexually at all.

  
You were the only woman in the compound that he didn't call doll, love, darling, sweetheart, or the like. You were also the only woman that he called little pig, stingy dwarf, barfette, kid and you get the idea. It was a surprise to most the first time he had demeaned you with one of his comments.

_You have some really small breasts, little pig. Probably can't get a squeeze out of those without having to find'em first._

He wanted you around a lot, but never did he ever look at you like you were going to become one of his wives. Mostly you would give him advice, he listened intently every time you had something to say about a subject that he needed something said about. You were a graduate of medical school with a masters degree that had you declared as a certified doctor, so ultimately that could have been another reason he accepted your advice. You were young, but you weren't young enough to be naive. You had lived through a major portion of your young adulthood, a few more years and you would be considered middle aged.

  
But to get to the point you weren't high on his hit list of women and to get to a second point you had never felt attracted towards Negan in the slightest. So it only seemed to make sense to ask a certain favor of him that really you could only trust him with. You had been a Savior for well over half a year now. Everyone knew you and almost every guy wanted you, which was the reason why Negan seemed to be the perfect person to ask. All the other Saviors would give poor advice so that you would come falling into their arms, that would be a waste of time to ask them. You had already had one guy in your scope, the issue was that you weren't really good at picking up partners. Even before the apocalypse it had always been school, or work, or family, or your dog, or some lame excuse for not being sexually active enough.

  
You loved that guy and you wanted him more than anything. That lucky man was Peter Harrison, a Savior, possibly one of the beautiful men you had ever seen. He had dark blonde hair and sharp blue eyes, a gruff amount of stubble coating his cheeks and chin, surrounding those tender lips. He had muscles for days, a sweet ass, some bulgy thighs and nothing turned you on more than popping veins from the brachialis muscles. He had an affect on you; you couldn't speak to him, you couldn't walk past him without blushing, you would freeze up, you would turn the other way. He had hardly ever talked to you, but that would only be because you never talked to him and that didn't exactly mean he didn't know you. You were well known.  
So the idea was to go ask Negan for some help and so you did. You entered his office, closing the door behind you, you leaned against the door and patiently waited for his attention. Negan looked up from his desk at you, he was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of reading glasses. The lamp on his desk illuminated a small portion of his face, gruff salt and pepper hairs that covered it's lower half. He wasn't that bad looking but you weren't here to determine what men were tolerable in appearance and what were not not, you were here to get answers.

  
"What's up little pig? You come to bother me with that fucking high pitched voice of yours again?"

  
"Actually..." You began promptly, "I need a favor." He perked up at that, his lips upturning into a grin.

  
"And what might that be? Because I sure as hell ain't fucking that stink ass." You rolled your eyes, for a split moment wondering why it had to be you that he found so unattractive. But it didn't matter, Peter, remember?

  
"I need you to teach me how to flirt." Negan's eyes widened slightly, he pulled his glasses off as his face turned stoic as it had been when you entered. He placed the glasses down in front of him before letting out a sigh, almost as if you were wasting his time.

  
"So whose the unlucky little shit, kid?"


	2. Part One: Flirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan doesn't really want to help you, so he will put you in a position you don't want to be in and laugh at you instead.

Maybe Negan thought of you as the ugly duckling of a daughter that he would never have. Maybe that was why he didn't want to help you out in this category, or why he didn't find you attractive. You figured because of his extensive history in picking up woman that it was a given he'd be so dang good at teaching you to pick up one guy. The case was that he just wanted you off his hands.

"Why don't you ask one of my wives for advice like this?"

"They don't like me." You awkwardly chimed in, he rolled his eyes.

"You woman and your insecurities." He exclaimed lazily, scratching the edge of his beard with a dirty finger. "I'm sure they love you."

"Every time I try to talk to them they call me pig face." You deadpanned, Negan groaned a little in response. His eyes flitting around and he seemed unsatisfied with that little piece of information. You were about to give up on this entire thing until he added.

"How is it that you have never flirted before?"

"I just haven't in a long time and I never really learned how." You shrugged and shifted around in the chair slightly. You only ever had one boyfriend in high school, in college your only date was your German shepherd Tiki and afterward work was just too much for you to start a relationship with anyone. "My life hasn't really allowed for it before, but I really like this guy."

"Have you talked to him?" Your lack of a reply caused Negan to let out a 'god fucking help me'. "You have to talk to him or else it's pointless."

"B-But like... um..." You gulped, the very idea of being in front of him was nerve-wrecking. "What do I say?" He snorted and shook his head.

"You compliment him a little, be seductive. Guys love that shit."

"Negan-"

"Don't worry little pig..." He interrupted abruptly, standing up from his chair and grabbing his leather jacket to pull it on. "I will go with you, I will watch from afar. You throw in a couple winks and pursed lips, he'll fall for you immediately." Negan talked as if it was the easiest thing in the world while meanwhile your entire body was in panic mode.

"I think my blood pressure is off the roof." You gasped frantically.

"Pull that fucking stick out of your ass and let's go." He picked up Lucille and tugged at your shoulder as he passed you. You followed obediently, shaking the entire time with anxious energy. It wasn't long before you were in the main lobby of the factory. People were jitterbug back and forth, following through with their daily assignments.

Your body suddenly stopped in the middle of the crowd as Negan started in the direction of the man that would possibly put you in your grave. Your entire body went frigid at the sight of him and he was doing something as simple as having a light conversation with a fellow Savior. Peter was dressed in a taut black tank top, it revealed a fair amount of muscle that you usually wouldn't see when he wore those torn up Hanes shirts. His cargo pants hung low on his hips, dipping into those authoritative boots of his. Negan stopped to look over his shoulder at you skeptically, others kneeling as they made his way past them. He gave you the come hither as a command for your continuation towards Peter. You complied physically, but mentally you were screaming to yourself. Negan placed himself alongside a long metal column not far from Peter's location. Once you were beside Negan he forcefully grabbed your forearm and pulled you closer.

"Just go up to him, put yourself up against his dick bulge and tell him that you want some."

"W-What?" You hissed back, your eyes widening at the forwardness that Negan's request entailed.

"This is the fucking apocalypse shit face, learn to get a hold of that cock and take it." He grinned mischievously and slapped your ass to push you forward. You let out a squeak and shakily began towards Peter, you were directly behind him when Negan had invited Simon over to his position to watch the show. You rose a trembling finger up to tap at Peter's shoulder, his conversation with the Savior before him ended mid sentence as he looked over his shoulder at you. He turned completely to you and gave a heartfelt smile.

"Well 'ello there. Can I help you with something?" _Oh fuckkk. He has a fucking Australian accent._ Your mind froze and your lips stuttered, your breath hitched as you gazed directly at him. His smile slowly began to fall at your reaction. "Is something on my face, mate?" You sputtered vigorously, unable to catch yourself and in the background you can hear both Negan and Simon's boisterous laughter. So you said the first thing that came to your mind.

"W-Wow." Your brain went into overload and you could have sworn you were sweating like a fucking snowman in a sauna. One of Peter's eyes brows quirked up in confusion, his head jerking around awkwardly.

"Well um... I kind of have to be somewhere." He stated softly, turning to walk away you watched his ass sway in those loose cargo pants of his and fuck... you screwed up big time.

"Wow?!" You hear Negan shout out to you from his place as Simon was falling apart in bouts of laughter, clenching his stomach and in near tears. "That's all you could fucking say?!" Negan teased and suddenly that entire experience was no longer as successful as you had imagined it would go. You lowered your head and stomped away, Negan frowned and went out after you, Simon still laughing at the scene that had just occurred before his eyes. You were ashamed and embarrassed and you knew there was no holding back the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. _This was going to be talked about for a long time in the Sanctuary. Nearly everyone would be laughing at you for it, Negan included._


	3. Part Two: Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Negan needs some love too. You will never know.

"Hey, Kid. Hold your ass." You wiped your tears away and flipped around to face him.

 

"I am not a kid, y'know? Stop fucking calling me one." You spat, he held his free hand up in defense. The remnants of amusement dtill plaguing those sharp features of his.

 

"Okay, I see you aren't in a good mood. Ex-fucking-scuse me, okay?" You crossed your arms and glared at him, but there was no hiding the turmoil in your expression. Such turmoil can only be matched by the instability in an atom. "It was just a joke."

 

"A Joke?! You think this is a game?!" You cried out, Negan winced in response. He had always known you to be a calming presence, so there was no doubt in his mind that you were pissed.

 

"Maybe it was because of your face." Your mouth dropped open and there was a silence that shortly followed as the utter shock of the insult settled in. You weren't crying anymore, you were sobbing. Your hands covered your face, waterfalls pouring from your eyes in thick streams as you desperately tried to wash them away. "Oh shit, now wait a minute let me-"

 

"I'm ugly. Why I am always so ugly to you?! Why do you have to constantly remind me of my imperfect nose and my imperfect lips and my big fucking ears? Or how small my breasts are? Or how weird my bare feet look? How narrow my eyes are? How big my fucking forehead is?" You looked up at him, tired and exhausted. It use to never bother you, but after making a complete fool of yourself his words were starting to settle in. You weren't bad looking at all, in your opinion he just didn't like the way you looked for some reason. The issue was that you couldn't keep fueling yourself with that confidence when Peter had just walked away from you for whatever reason.

 

"Now, come on. I didn't mean anything by it. You know I'm just fucking around." His voice was lighter, he seemed to be a bit more gentle in those moments and any traces of amusement were gone.

 

"I know I'm not as pretty as those five whores you fuck, but I really do try." Negan ignored the offhanded comment about his wives to better resolve the situation.

 

"You are pretty though, right? Every guy in the compound wants you." You sniffled and shook your head. He was just trying to tone you down, especially with how out of line you were right then and there.

 

"I don't care about them. I really like Peter."

 

"You've hardly even talked to him, kid." You paused in your tears to glare up at him again. There was no hiding that his sympathy was feigned. "Alright, I see." He put up the defense again. "I don't know what the big fucking deal is though. Why do you want to be with someone so bad anyways? If it's about sex than I can get someone to help you out with that."

 

"It's not sex," You sighed, directing your gaze back down to the floor. "you wouldn't know."

 

"About what?"

 

"I have only ever had sex once in my life. I'm sure you've had it millions of times, but for me it has never been a priority and it still isn't. Now that the world has turned to shit I don't have that opportunity to look for someone to love and cuddle and hug and kiss. Simple things like that. Not sex."

 

"Well life isn't a fucking fairytale."

 

"I know, but..." Your lips parted. "I just want someone to be with. You have like five significant others, including the other woman who want you only a daily basis. I have no one." Negan's eyes flickered with what only he would consider misguided pity. 

 

"You have plenty of people."

 

"No." You ground out, your expression turning into a scowl. "I don't have anybody, I really and truly don't. I have even tried talking to your wives, I've tried making friends and everybody dislikes me."

 

"Ugh..." Negan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, when his eyes opened they were turned up to the ceiling. He was cursing the gods for putting you upon his graces. "God this is a pussy move, but I will help you for fucking real this time, okay? I can get you in with Peter if you want it so fucking bad." You wiped your tears away, your features softening as you looked up expectantly at him with big glossy eyes that you hoped he couldn't refuse.

 

"You mean it?"

 

"Of course. He'll be begging for you to share your bed with him, I'm sure of it. What man wouldn't want a nice-" Negan paused, his eyes looking you up and down sternly before he waved his head and almost forced a smile. "Gal like you?" He finished, but you felt as though he was about to say something else. _Probably something demeaning._  


 

"I still don't know if I will be able to talk to him."

 

"You won't even have to. If we can pretty you up just enough, your assets alone can make a man's fucking jaw drop." Negan's eyes are staring up at the ceiling again, the walls of the corridor, anywhere except for you. So you took advantage of this opportunity to thank him, you would never have done this on any other occasion except for then because in this moment Negan truly was willing to help you for real and that was rare in the Sanctuary. He wasn't asking for anything else, he was doing this for you.

 

   You rushed into him, arms wrapping around his body as you began a hug. It had been so long since you had given a hug to anyone and Negan was warm and his jacket smelled of fresh leather and cologne was emanating from him in huge waves. He was comforting, that was all. You weren't expecting what had happened next: Lucille was dropped to the ground with a thud and Negan's arms wrapped around you tightly. Your eyes shot open in awe and your body became one big stick. His arms tightened around you and perhaps you were going crazy, maybe you were dreaming, but Negan bent over just enough and his head molded into the crevice of your neck. For a moment you were a bit uncomfortable: one of Negan's hands had been placed firmly against the dip of your back, the other at your hip. His sweltering palm melting through the thin material of your blue t-shirt. You would have sworn that his nostrils had inhaled strongly at whatever scent had been coming off of you and you were utterly terrified as to what was going on. Negan never showed this much affection, much less with anyone aside from his wives.

 

"Uh Negan..." You began, but he swiftly pulled away before you could properly question his actions. He didn't look at you again, instead straightening the collar of his jacket and starting his way past you. You picked up Lucille in a hurry. "Negan, wait." He looked over at you, his eyes not meeting yours as he yanked Lucille from your grasp. 

 

"Be at my office tomorrow at lunch, this shit starts then."

 

"Yes, Sir." He then disappeared down the corridor, leaving you in consternation and wonder. You didn't realize that Negan could be so tender. You would never say it to his face or anyone's for that matter, but you had come up with the reasoning that perhaps it had been a very long time since Negan had actually hugged anyone, not groped, hugged. For once in a long time, something-something felt nice. And maybe Negan needed some love too.

 

    Later that night you were on your way to your room. It was down the intersecting hallway to Negan's wives' main room, you had passed down that hallway because it was faster. You could hear a strict and firm voice echoing from that singular room, the one where all of his wives would reside. You couldn't help but drop by out of curiosity and so you peaked in through the small slit that the door provided to allow you a look. Negan was in there, Lucille over his shoulder and his wives each sitting along the couch as he strutted back and forth before them. They didn't seem to be happy at all and neither did Negan, this was no choosing ritual.

 

"Now I don't want to hear any of you calling her those names again." Your eyebrows furrowed as you listened in closer. _What her?_  


 

"It's not like nobody else calls her that stuff, Negan. You do it all the time and a couple of other Saviors that don't want to fuck her follow your lead." Sherry explained plainly as she leaned up against the armrest of the coach. Negan gave her a look of disinterest at her comment, but the sound of his gloved hand clenching around Lucille did not go unnoticed.

 

"Only I am allowed to call her that stuff. Just me and it's because I am fucking with her."

 

"It's true though." Another wife piped in. "She isn't exactly the context of pretty." Negan pointed at her and she shrunk back into the cushion of the couch.

 

"Now hold your shit there Tanya, I think she is extremely gorgeous so don't you dare fucking go there with your jealousy bullshit."

 

"If you thinks she so pretty, then why do you call her names?" Amber said, Negan rolled his eyes. 

 

"Like I said, it's just to fuck with her." Negan kept evading the real reason, his wives knew and you knew.

 

"Is she going to be another wife? Because honestly I wouldn't be able to handle her shit."

 

"Yeah she always tries talking to us like she matters, the little pig."

 

"That's fucking enough!" Negan's booming voice caused all of the wives to shut their mouths and quiet their bickering. "No she isn't going to be another wife. I'm not attracted to her in the slightest." None of the wives decided to dig into that last statement. "But she is a nice girl and if I hear again that any of you are fucking shooting insults at her, then the punishment will be far worse than that of what is usually dealt. Understood?" A chorus of 'Yes, Negan' was thrown out from the five woman. Negan seemed satisfied with himself as he stood a little taller, adjusting his pants upwards. _Who had they been talking about?_ "Now here is the deal. I don't want any interruptions tonight or tomorrow evening. Is that clear?"

 

"Whatever." Sherry spoke out for the group and the others nodded their agreement.

 

"Good. You girls need anything you find it for yourselves, that includes pleasure. I am N-ot in the fucking mood tonight. Night, ladies." You pulled away from the door as Negan started towards it and you ushered yourself quickly down the hall and to your own room before he could exit into the hallway. You closed the door behind you with a huff of relief, hearing his footsteps as he passed to his room. It took a moment before you realized that they had been talking about you.


	4. Part Three: Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan doesnt wane you about his plans and then suddenly everything works out. Or does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one night for you guys, I had a lot of time to write today.

 You did your morning duties in the commissary, Simon teasing you about the events of the prior day as you had expected. You then headed over to Negan's room at around noon to start your training in whatever the fuck it was. You weren't really sure what this was, it went way farther than you had expected it to already. The advice you had wanted from him originally consisted of words and facts alone, not actual physical involvement that Negan had placed into his own hands. When you arrived at his office, he wasn't there. 

 

   On the table was a neatly hand folded note and on it in big bold letters, in quite elegant handwriting, was 'To whoever smells like shit'. You knew that the note had been placed there for you, although you weren't entirely sure if the address had been initially true in Negan's eyes, especially after the sniffing that had went on yesterday. You folded it open and on the inside was a single line: Look Outside.

 

    You walked around the desk to the blinds of the window that was there. You yanked gently on the cord, the blinds folding up and allowing a bleeding light to soar through the crystal glass. Down below, stories down below at the courtyard, was Negan in all his glory. Lucille was placed over his shoulder and before his feet was a panicking Peter on his knees, you started panicking too.

 

    He gestured you down to him, making swinging motions in Peter's direction with Lucille. He smiled and waved at you as if he was a neighbor saying good morning. You disappeared from the window and went sprinting to the lower levels as fast as you could. You were breathless by the time you had gotten to Negan, fear written all over your face.

 

"Negan, what is-" He held a hand up to you as though your presence had hardly even mattered. He crouched down in front of Peter and by then there had already been a decent crowd surrounding the scene. Peter was shaking, his lips bleeding and his jaw bruised.

 

"What made you think it was okay to go fuck one of my wives, Peter?"

 

"I didn't-" Negan slapped him and you scrambled over, grabbing Negan's arm and attempting to pull him up. It wasn't your strength that did it, but Negan stood up to his full height on his own accord, a deep glare festering at you. You were speechless, not sure whose side you were on in this case.

 

"What the fuck are you doing, Negan?!" Negan stalked closer to you and you stumbled back in fright.

 

"Your boyfriend here has been flirting with one of my wives."

 

"No, I-" Peter was silenced again by Negan, you shook your head vigorously.

 

"Please don't do this." You begged, something you never would have done in your life. But you were convinced, you were in love with Peter. "I will do anything. Take me instead, spare him." The look that Peter gave you was utterly astounding, shock was wrought all over his face. He hardly even knew you all he knew was that you were in front of him yesterday, making a stupid attempt at conversation. Negan's eyes narrowed on you and they scanned your figure from top to bottom as they had the day before, except this time with a different weight.

 

"Look at this, Pete." Negan ground out, he backpedaled until he was standing directly in front of Peter. "This little piggy is in fucking love with you." Despite the situation, your cheeks turned red. "She would die for you. How lucky a man you must be?" Peter looked up at you, admiration for a split second shone in his magnificent eyes. "Regardless of the fact that you have probably fucked one of my wives, she would risk her life for you, risk her status under my rule and you hardly even acknowledge her." Negan cocked his head at Peter.

 

"I do." He began. "S-She's beautiful." For some reason that response caused Negan's jaw to tighten and his body to lean. whenever Negan leaned you knew that shit was going to go down.

 

"Well fuck I sure as hell don't think she is." Your heart crushed, Peter shaking his head. "But you aren't really convincing enough, Petey boy.

 

"I never had sex with any of your wives, Negan. I only had talked to one of them because they needed more supplies." His Australian accent was shaky and nearly broken, he was in shattered pieces like glass. It would be worse if you allowed Negan to continue. Negan's eyes widened a little and in them you could see the building up of pure rage. 

 

"Please don't hurt him, Negan." Negan turned to face Peter, he rose Lucille up in his grasp and began a swing. You jumped out forward between the bat and Peter, closing your eyes as you waited for the hit. Nothing happened, your eyes fluttered open to reveal dark brown abysses across from them. Negan licked his lips, Lucille centimeters from your head.

 

"You got yourself some big balls, kid." He muttered, you didn't say a word as Negan considered you. "And that is why you are where you are, remember that."

 

"Y-Yes, Sir." Negan brought Lucille back down to his side, he peered around at the shocked crowd.

 

"I want you all to remember this. The rules are here for a fucking reason." He glanced back at you and pointed a finger. "I'll see you in my office later to deal out your punishment." He then walked away and the crowd knelt, along with you, dispersing only when he finally was out of sight. You stood up again in shambles, when you turned to face Peter he had already moved closer to pull you into a hug. His arms wrapped around you and his chin leaning on your head.

 

"Thank you so much. I don't know how I could repay for this." You again were at a loss for words, but the adrenaline from the previous moment had yet to wear off. So you continued to hold Peter until he began to pull away and stare down into your eyes.

 

"So you love me?" He asked, a tiny smile forming on his lips as he tried to ease the stress that the both of you were feeling.

 

"Yeah... I do."

 

"Is that why you couldn't talk to me yesterday, Sheila?" You nodded shyly, your cheeks reddening again and you looked down. He pinched your chin and forced you to look up at him. His blue eyes pierced your own and that soft smile of his warmed your heart.

 

"I like you too, but I always figured that you would pick somebody else." You shook your head lightly. 

 

"I r-really... um... like you." He chuckled and then leaned down. _Jesus fuck, you hadn't kissed anybody since your Senior year of high school._ It felt so darn good. His lips pressed lightly up against yours and it was just enough warmth to send your heart into oblivion. Soft, plush lips that felt like heaven baked in the sun. He pulled away, weaving your fingers with his own.

 

"Do you want to go for a walk with me? We can talk a little bit. I don't have to leave with Simon for that run for another hour." 

 

"Yes!" You replied a bit more excitedly than you should intended. "I mean..." You played it out cool. "I would love that." And Peter began to walk you down some unknown walkway, unknown because all you cared about was him right then and there. 

 

   You two walked for about forty-five minutes, just talking about life before the apocalypse and after. It was amazing. When you finished he had walked you back to your room, giving you a chaste kiss on the cheek before saying a goodbye.

 

"I will see you again for dinner, right?" You asked, he nodded his head lazily and squeezed your hand.

 

"I should be back by then. I usually sit-"

 

"I know." You interrupted out of impatience, he kissed your cheek again and then suddenly you both were kissing on the lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, not wanting to let go of this blissful high you had been thrown into. He pulled back with a sigh of awe, in happiness. You knew it must have been true, the way he looked at you and kissed you. He must have been in love too. 

 

"You are so beautiful. Don't listen to that old man." You couldn't help but giggle, he stepped away completely and with a wave began his descent down the hall and to the lower levels. 

 

   As soon as he was gone you were rushing to Negan's office, you not only had questions, you had a whole bunch of gossiping to do. You entered his office with a wide grin, you couldn't contain your Dwight any further. Even if you had nearly died that day, this was the best thing that had ever happened to you in a long time. Negan was leaning back in his chair, Lucille propped up over his legs which were propped up on the desk. One of his hands was laying on the desk and he was fiddling with a pencil. His eyes darted up to you, expression devoid of any amusement, or shared happiness. You weren't willing to believe that it was because Peter had truly had an affair with one of his wives. _Negan would have never allowed you to intervene otherwise, right?_  


 

"Negan..." You kept yourself at a calm pace as you walked over to the chair across from his desk to sit. "We have to talk."

 

"What is there to talk about?" His voice was dull, nearly lifeless compared to his usual charm.

 

"Is this about my punishment? Whatever it is I will take it." You were so happy that the thought of anything negative did not register to you. "We kissed and it was beautiful and I can't help but feel like wanting more. I can't thank you as much as I wish I could for sparing his life, you truly are a very merciful leader and-"

 

"Cut the bullshit. I am not going to punish you." You bounced back at his confession and waited patiently for him to explain. "I staged the entire thing so that you could get your man. According to what you just told me, it worked." You were both relieved and grateful and then an undertone of something else that you couldn't really explain. That undertone was shoved to the side by a pleasant warmth radiating at the pit of your stomach.

 

"Well then I thank you even more, but how did you know that it was going to work? How did you know I would risk my life for him?"

 

"I didn't." He grunted back, almost disapproving. "I just figured that you were that type of woman, the one that would go for romantics."

 

"It was amazing after..." You dreamily began. "We went for a walk and he kissed me, Negan. It was the best kiss I had ever had in my entire life." 

 

"Great, can you get the fuck out now?"

 

"We aren't done yet though, right? There is still-"

 

"What more?" He grumbled out, he glowered at you. "When are you going to fucking grow up? You got your man, now leave."

 

"Is there anything I can do for you? For helping me?" You asked sheepishly, you felt like you had done something wrong. Perhaps spilling your gratitude out to the most ungracious man in the Sanctuary was not a good idea.

 

"You can get your ugly fucking face away from me." Your content crumbled as quickly as it had burned inside you. That light slowly dying in your soul, that warmth turning cold. "I don't want to see you anymore unless you have business here. No more visiting. No more joking around, drinking together. I just want you to leave me alone." _Was this because you had also given up your loyalty to him the moment you interfered with his swing? He knew it was a farce, but you had done it. What if it wasn't?_  


 

"Oh." Was all you said. You enjoyed the talks you had with Negan, even if he did call you names it was always as if he had never meant them. It was different this time.

 

"We have a run tomorrow, but there is really no need for you to be there."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because you aren't a savior anymore." You were struck with pain again and you knew exactly why it hurt so bad. Negan was your only friend and being a Savior around here was all that you do.

 

"I will be there anyways. It's kind of my job." You breathed back, then you stood up from your seat and sulked away to the door. 

 

"You will not fucking be there." You looked over your shoulder at him.

 

"Then what am I going to do?"

 

"You are going to be assigned a different job, a shitty one." Your hands clenched into fists at your sides, your teeth tightening into a brick wall. 

 

"What did I ever do to you, Negan?" You should keep your mouth shut. You faced him, Negan still glaring daggers at you from his high chair. "The first day I came here, you were calling me ugly and making fun of me. I got use to it, it always seemed like you hated me and it still seems that way. But why did you always want me around then?" The pencil was paused in his grasp, teetering between his middle and thumb. "It couldn't be because I was smart. I actually thought that I was the only person you would really confide in. That perhaps we had become friends and I don't have any friends except for you."

 

"But now you have that Peter Pig. He'll be a good friend to you. His points might just be enough to hold the both of you now that you work for points."

 

"Can you just stop?!" You shot out, Negan taken aback by the sudden shifted tone in the conversation. "What is your problem?! What do I do?! I do everything you tell me to do, I execute all of your demands in the best way possible and you still fucking put me down!" He jumped up from his seat, Lucille slammed flat against the desk and you flinched back.

 

"You do not have the liberty of fucking talking to me that way, you little shit!" He angrily yelled.

 

"What do I do wrong?! I want to go tomorrow, I really do. And I am sorry for basically putting down your assault in front of that crowd earlier, but I love Peter. You helped me get a hold of him and now I can finally have someone, thanks to you. Why do you have to fuck this up?!"

 

"Stop putting this shit on me!" He crossed the room over to stand before you, he was more intimidating this way.

 

"It is on you!" You growled at him, his eyes keen down on you. "You want me to fucking ignore you! For what exactly?! We have a good thing going here!"

 

"And what exactly is that?!" You mumbled a little bit, unable to find the right word for it.

 

"Friendship, okay?!"

 

"I'm not here to be your friend, sweetheart." _Sweetheart_? "I am here to be a fucking asshole leader! You are supposed to put my rules before your own conscience, not some dumb fucking love interest.  I am here to strike terror into your fucking piggy little heart!"

 

"So what?! I risked my life for Peter today because I love him. Why does that fucking matter?! I am not afraid of you!"

 

"You aren't afraid of me?! Well then I guess I will just have to force it into you, you ugly little bitch!" You took a deep breath, it was all that could be heard before your head exploded.

 

"You are UGLY!!! OKAY?!! You have to promise your wives no work just so that they can pretend to moan and enjoy it while your little tiny dick fucks them! You make people kneel and call themselves Negan so you can ignore the insecurities that you feel inside for yourself. An ugly nose and beard and who the fuck wears scarves anymore?!!" Negan was watching with a stoic expression, listening, staring right at you, right into your eyes. "You are an old man, probably can't even get it up for the five women that have to rub themselves off almost every other day because you 'aren't in the mood'." You quoted that with shaking fingers, your rage prevalent in your voice. "No one will ever love you, Negan! You are going to die alone In some fucking hole of despair because no one cares about you! And I am pretty sure that was the same case before the world even bothered fucking turning to shit?!!!!" You took a couple deep breathes. "I HATE you." You finished with a sharp pain running down your chest, your voice cracked and your chest heaved. "I hate you so much." There was a long silence, that silence allowed you to collect your thoughts. You felt so guilty for everything that you had just said. You had never been so heinous to anyone in your entire life. 

 

"Well doll..." The endearment caught you off guard again, Negan looked down with a snort and a uplifted smirk. "If that's really how you feel." You reeled in terror and emotional distress. "I am giving you what mercy I have left today, not like I haven't given you enough already, and I won't keep you any longer. You can go chill with your new best friend, huh?" He stepped away, biting on his tongue as he nodded his head. Lucille was placed down on the desk and he began to discard his leather jacket and scarf. "Have a good fucking fairytale with Peter. I don't expect to see you as a Savior anymore."

 

"Goodbye." You didn't stop yourself from exiting the office, Negan did.

 

"Oh and uh..." You stopped in your footsteps, hoping that he would take you back and talk this out. "I want you moved out of your room and into the public accommodations by the end of tomorrow." Your heart stung further, you loved having your own room with the other elites, with the man who was once your best friend down the hall. Sometimes Simon would invite you and the others over for a game of cards and you all lived in the same hall so it was just a door away. Sometimes Dwight would bring over alcohol and you both would have shots together. Sometimes Negan would knock on your door in his pajamas and ask if your shower was warm. Sometimes it wasn't about your shower, but about a ping pong bet you had made with one another. There was no point in fighting it, Negan was in charge.

 

"Yes, Sir." You wondered if you would ever have an actual conversation with Negan ever again. You assumed that you most likely wouldn't and that was how the day ended for you. You didn't meet Peter for dinner, you didn't have any dinner.


	5. Part Four: Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You feel guilty about what you had said to Negan, you know you would do anything for him. Anything.

The next day you went on the run regardless of what Negan said about you not being a Savior anymore, sticking close to Peter's side the entire time. Negan didn't even bother looking at you, but Simon consistently bugged Peter and you about your newfound relationship. You were grateful that Negan hadn't said anything about you coming along, there was no doubt that this would be your last run and you wanted to relish in that.

You all went to Hilltop, Negan interrogated their pansy leader for a little bit, and then you all started to pile half their shit into the trucks. Everything seemed to be going as usual. Aside from the fact that Negan wasn't joking around with you or making fun of the residents with you as they passed by. Negan still didn't bother you and every so often Peter would wrap an arm around your waist and tell you how beautiful you were. You couldn't help but blush and giggle, then you would look away in guilt. By mid-day, everyone was getting settled to leave. Negan was taking his time with the whiskey stash that George had, but as soon as he grabbed Lucille everyone was ready to go.

You felt so bad every time you saw him, it was a reminder of what horror you had done. You had directly dissed Negan out, you had put his ego down to the floor and despite all he had done you still felt like shit for it. You had lost your status for doing such a thing and the other Saviors noticed. Whenever you would help out with something, they would steer clear of you. It was proof enough that the only reason they would even acknowledge you before was because you were friends with their leader.

  It was easy for Negan to do it, demean people, it seemed he was careless for the repercussions of his actions. As for what you had said you realized you should have taken it back before you had even said it. You would do anything for Negan and he had done almost everything for you. He kept you company when you were lonely, silent moments when he would allow you to read in his office and sometimes you both would talk. He gave you little gifts on your off days before he would remind you how ugly you were to him with a faint smile. He gave you a shelter, a job, clothes on your back, food in your mouth. You wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for his men and him saving your love when you first arrived at the Sanctuary. He was your friend. Friends. Right?

Then it happened. All of this talk about regretting ever saying such filth to his face, all of this talk about doing anything for him. Negan was intimidating the leader of Hilltop when it happened, with his quick charming tall figure on his way out the door. A man came up behind him, a knife brandished and you were quick to fill the distance between the two men. The knife plunged deep into your gut, the man stared with wide eyes as his true target was not met and you stared right back. A gunshot followed and the man fell to the ground, blood running from the splintered hole in his temple

You felt an immense pain at your abdomen, blood drooling out from around the knife. Peter was nowhere in sight and you were starting to wonder if his kindness had also just been a figment of your imagination. Negan was in front of you after what seemed like forever, his hands cupping either side of your face and shock written all over it. He grabbed the grip of the knife to yank it out and you stopped him with bloody fingers to his cheek. It was as if you were finger painting, leaving red marks all over his tan skin.

"Don't take it out." You huskily ordered, your voice barely above the sound of a breath. "It'll bleed worse." He lifted you up into his arms bridal style.

"Go get that fucking doctor, Simon!" He yelled, Simon went running to get a doctor. Negan stared down into your eyes, caressing the side of your face. "Stay with me, baby girl." Your eyes fluttered and you closed your eyes, only to be shaken back into consciousness. "I said fucking stay." His voice was already tuning out and your hands gripped tightly onto his shirt tightly.

"Peter... Where's Peter?"

"Who gives a fuck about that little shit?! You need medical attention!" You wrapped your arms around his neck, the pain in your stomach intensifying. You buried your face into his neck with a groan and as you looked over his shoulder the last thing you saw was Lucille, sitting flatly on the ground. Alone. Forgotten.

You woke up in a state of high. The medication pumping into your mid-arm most likely contributed to that. Otherwise you would probably be tossing and turning, breaking out in a crazy sweat. Your eyes creaked open and to your left was Negan, he was hunched over with his elbows leaning onto his knees. His head lifted as a sharp breath left your lips, he was by your side in split second.

"Fuck you scared the shit out of me." You cleared your dry throat and glanced over slightly.

"I passed out. My blood pressure and heart beat were too low I had an unstable adrenaline rush and-"

"Shut your mouth, Doctor Fuckwad."

"I nearly died for you and-"

"Yeah, it was plain stupid." You tilted your head in his direction.

"I thought you would have been ecstatic."

"So you did it to impress me?"

"I did it because you are my friend."

"Didn't seem like that yesterday."

"I don't need this." You wheezed, "I would gladly take that knife again for you right this moment, don't make me change my mind." His head shook to object, he did not seem satisfied with any answer that you would give him at this time. Lucille was propped up against the bed and he reached for her, resting her down on his lap as some type of defense. "Where is Peter?"

"Fuck him." He jeered, his fingers wrapped in a vice grip around the handle of the bat. "He did shit the entire time you were unconscious."

"Maybe-"

"Just Stop. It's pointless, he treats you terrible."

"At least he has the manners and educate to tell me I am beautiful." Negan didn't say anything, he dropped his head down to his chest. "That must mean something." While Negan sat in what you could only consider self-shame you were looking around the room.

It wasn't Hilltop and the bed you were in was huge, black silk sheets and fluffy pillows. The fluids rack sitting just beside it with a thick tubing running down into your arm by a needle. It was not Negan's office, this room had two couches across from one another, black leather couches, an oak coffee table, blinded windows, a door leading into a bathroom across that large king sized bed you were laying in, a wardrobe, a tv, a radio... the list could go on. The walls were concrete, a bit rugged but very clean compared to the rest of the factory. There was no doubt in your mind that this was Negan's room. Why were you here? Why wasn't Peter here?

"Why am I here?"

"Doctor said you needed to be monitored."

"Bullshit. Nothing major was hit." Negan's face was split by a Cheshire grin and he shrugged.

"Why are you so goddamned smart?"

"And now you compliment me." You rolled your eyes, he slouched forward. "I'm a doctor, remember?" You didn't bother looking at him, Negan's bed was way better than yours so you decided to relish in that instead. You closed your eyes and calmed your breathing.

"Did Carson give me any pills?"

"Do all you Doctor's have like some fucking sort of group chat where you all talk about Doctor shit to one another?" You laughed and shook your head, it hurt when you laughed.

"No, why? Did he know my name?"

"As soon as I said your last name, he knew it."

"What can I say? I was popular before the world became fucked." You chuckled out, Negan winked at you. You weren't going to tell Negan that you had came from Hilltop, that Carson and you were good friends. Thankfully Carson hardly allowed that to show enough for Negan to find out.

"I'm sure you were real popular." You sniffed at the scent of sheets, cologne and earth and then another scent that clouded your   
senses. You followed it straight back to Negan and you glared at him.

"Go take a shower you bum." He groaned as he stood up from the chair and stretched his arms up.

"I didn't want you waking up when I was gone."

"Yeah, whatever. Like you would care."

"At least I was here." You didn't respond as Negan waltzed over to the bathroom, Lucille placed directly beside the door. The door slammed behind him and you took your short window to look around again. You slowly sat up from the bed, inclining yourself on the pillows before shuffling to the edge where the rack sat. You recognized that you were down to your undergarments, your underwear and a bra. The stitching and bandages of the wound open to the world, exposed along with your soft stomach. You grabbed the needle in your arm and slowly took it out, allowing it to drop down onto the ground, fluids leaked out and beaded on the floor. You started with the end table, scavenging through the drawers for something that you could use against your leader.

You were never one to meddle in another's business, but you were in a curious mode. Besides, he had brought you in here so it ultimately would be his fault. You found a ripped up journal with logs in it, for the supplies. You found a sharp knife in its holster, followed by a box of condoms. You then directed your gaze to the wardrobe, where the only thing on it had caught your eyes. It was a picture, but you couldn't make out what was on it. So you gradually rose to your feet, stumbling towards the wooden piece of furniture.

And your fingers reached out, reaching for the photograph and as you looked down your eyes narrowed. The picture was of a bride and a groom, the groom cleanly shaven, handsome and charming: a younger Negan. The bride...  
She fucking looks exactly like you. Your lips parted as you caressed the frame, two Newly weds in a forever embrace, smiling and happy. Her hair was the same color as yours, her smile, her eyes, her dimples. It was as if she was the twin you never knew you had. The only difference was the shape of her face, her figure was nearly the same as yours and in some manner it rung a lot of bells. It gave you a lot of reasons, reasons that you knew Negan would never explain.

You placed the picture back on the shelf when you heard the water turn off in the shower. You migrated back to the bed as quickly as your injury would allow it and you laid back, closing your eyes to mimic sleep. Negan exited the bathroom shirtless, a pair of baggy grey sweatpants. You didn't bother opening your eyes to get a picture of his physique, he probably wouldn't like it that much. He probably wouldn't like that you had gone through his stuff and that you had seen the picture of him and that woman. What was her name? You had a gut feeling that you already knew.

Negan stopped beside the bed, he grabbed a corner of the covers and tugged at them.

"If you aren't going to leave then I am sleeping in my bed tonight regardless of whether you are here or not."

"I'll go." You went to stand up on the other side.

"Stay here, pig face." Negan grabbed your hand and yanked you back down to the bed, you grumbled a curse as the pain sharpened. You scooted over, allowing him some room to lay down. You crossed your arms and stared up at the ceiling, you really wanted to get out of here. Negan sighed his satisfaction as he situated himself to his liking. "The ceiling didn't do anything to you, sweetheart."

"You have an ugly face too."

"I take that as a compliment coming from you. It means that you aren't going to think about cowgirling me halfway through the night."

"Keep dreaming."

"More like a nightmare."

"Can I get something to eat?! Maybe to drink?! Sustenance? You aren't being very considerate at all for someone that wants me to get better. I have been unconscious this entire time."

"I haven't slept for a day and a half, cut me some fucking slack." You slapped him on the shoulder out of impulse, he let out a chuckle. He too turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "You are such a bitch."

"I guess that is a good thing."

"We rest for a little bit and then I will call up Dwight to bring up some fucking 'sustenance'. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good."

"Good, now shut your big ugly fucking mouth for about thirty minutes will ya'?"

"Yeah, you ugly old man. I can do that." You remained on your back, staring up at the ceiling. You wondered why it seemed so damn comfortable laying next to Negan, you assumed it was because of the bed. Not the man next to you.


	6. Part Five: As You Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Negan and you settle down for a movie.

You were brought the sustenance that your body had been craving, a can of mangos and a bottle of water. Negan went to his office, leaving you lonely for about an hour before he came back with clothes from your dresser. You weren't exactly happy that he had decided to get your stuff himself and you had made it your mission that you would give him a piece of your mind for it. He placed the clothes down on the edge of the bed, you went through them; a pair of black shorts, a red t-shirt, a blue push-up bra to your dismay, and a pair of fresh white panties. He then plopped himself down in that chair again, before letting out a sigh.

  
"You should of had me get my own things." You complained as you sat up slowly from the edge of the bed with the pile of clothing against your chest. His eyes looked you up and down once before being shot away in resistance.

  
"I am not letting you leave this room until I feel that you are ready to leave."

  
"What?!" You stopped in your footing and turned to him. "I'm an adult, not a child. I'm fully capable of taking care of myself."

  
"You are not leaving this room, ya'hear?"

  
"So what am I supposed to do?"

  
"I have television. We can watch a movie."

  
"Don't you have business to handle?" He shook his head.

  
"I have nothing to fucking worry about unless Simon comes running through that door telling me something very fucking bad has happened. I need a break for the night." He kicked his boots off and propped his socked feet up on the edge of the bed. "Simon is going out for a run tomorrow afternoon down at Hilltop again."

  
"We were just there."

  
"I want them to acknowledge that this," He gestured to your wound. "Will not be tolerated. I would go down there myself but I think I am going to annoy the shit out of you. That is much more fun." You groaned, causing him to smirk.

  
"Where is Peter?" His smirk faded and he bit down onto his lower lip.

  
"You still head over heels for that son of a bitch?" Negan looked down onto his crowned fingers, they sat nicely folded over his  lap. "He hasn't come to see if you are okay at all. He hasn't done a fucking thing for you and earlier today I saw that fucker talking to some woman."

  
"Oh." There was a click of aggravation and jealousy and perhaps reasoning. "Maybe it was just-"

  
"A lot of kissing on the cheek, giggling, you know? Flirting?"

  
"Im not willing to believe that. Why don't you like him?"

  
"I don't like the way he treats woman. Hasn't broken any of my rules yet, because he has a tendency to fuck a couple and then throw them off to the side with only their permission for the 'fucking' part."

  
"Don't you do the same?" Negan glared at you before he stood up and brought his attention to the tv. You knew there was more to it than just the fact that Peter treated woman a certain way and you weren't willing to believe that, Peter had treated you wonderfully. You were willing to believe that there was more to him than what Negan was telling you. Peter was a greater man than that.  
You got dressed into the clothes he had brought, exiting the bathroom to find him resting on the bed with a remote in hand.

  
"What are we watching?"

  
"The only fucking thing I could find."

  
"Which is?" You retaliated by sitting in the chair beside the bed, not willing to lay down next to Negan again.

  
"The Princess Bride." Holy shit you loved that movie. You didn't show the excitement you felt for having not seen the movie in such a long time. "You have no room for fucking complaints because it's all I've got."

  
"I'm not complaining." You tucked yourself into the chair, comfortable enough to where your wound wasn't in serious pain. Negan placed the remote onto his stomach before he propped his head up under the pillows. He was down to his white undershirt and jeans, his socks discarded at the side of his bed beside the boots. You tried not to think of how extremely odd it was that you were watching a cheesy chick flick with the leader of your kind, the Saviors, a vicious group that took everything from everyone that wasn't with them. Negan, although he held a very intimidating persona outside of his lonely time, while he was alone he could be as cuddly as a teddy bear. Before the most recent events when it was just him and you, no business, you would pull pranks on one another and sometimes he would let you win. He was human just like the rest of them, the only thing that made him different was his experiences, he had become something else to survive this terrible world. Something else that could not be defined in text books or words, all because of survival.

  
When the movie began it was awkward, Negan would shift around every so often and you would try as hard as you could not to look at him. Eventually your position became uncomfortable, so you moved onto the bed. Snuggling deep under the covers and continuing your attention to the movie. You became so absorbed in the story that it seemed like Negan wasn't even there.

_King: What was that for?_

_  
Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again, since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite._

_King: Won't that be nice… She kissed me! [giggles]_

You held back a laugh. It certainly seemed a lot like when you threatened you'd kill yourself and your father was literally not doing anything. Negan looked over at you with a small smile and nodded his head. "Certainly seems fucked up doesn't it?" He asked rhetorically, you held a hand over your mouth to contain your giggles.

"That's how I feel sometimes." After your confession Negan wasn't laughing anymore, in fact, any humor found in the film was absent.

_Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?_

_Buttercup: I got married… I didn't want to. It all happened so fast._

_Westley: Never happened._

_Buttercup: What?_

_Westley: It never happened._

_Buttercup: But it did! I was there. This old man said "man and wife."_

_Westley: Did you say "I do"?_

_Buttercup: Uh… no. We sort of skipped that part._

_Westley: Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it._

You could feel Negan lean in towards you under the sheets, you wanted to lean away but his scent was excruciatingly intoxicating and his warmth was magnificent in the cold chills that the room had brought.

_Grandfather: Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind_.

Negan was really close then, he was practically against you and there was no trouble in you moving up just enough to be against him. Nothing wrong with that little action, but then you turned your head in his direction and he was gazing at you as if he was in a trance. His face was stone, hazel or dark or whatever magnificent color his eyes were melting into yours.

_Grandfather: Now, I think you oughtta go to sleep._

_Grandson: Okay._

Negan's fingers reached up to gently caress the side of your jaw and you flinched slightly at the contact. Your face tingled as the rough pad of his index traced your delicate skin.

_Grandfather: All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. So long._

_Grandson: Grandpa? Maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow._

Negan's hand moved to cup your jaw and he gradually leaned in closer.

_Grandfather: As you wish._

"As you wish." Negan mouthed, you paused in deep thought before pulling yourself away. Negan was still sitting there, his eyes opened from their half mooned crescents and he moved back over to his side of the bed. "Good Night." You said nothing as he flicked the tv off with the remote. You turned your back to him, not quite able to process what had just happened.

When you woke up in the morning, you hadn't expected the warmth and the stinky morning breath at your ear. Negan was up against you, his arm around your waist. He was spooning you, not caring about that simple fact as he rose up from the bed and got ready to leave. Before he left, you had asked him a question.

"Will you let me go out later?"

"As you wish, princess." He winked at you before he left, what you could only assume as some sort of smugness.

 


	7. Part Six: Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You play a board game with the other Saviors and gossip is revealed.

Negan came back about six hours later as you had expected today must have been a busy day in the Sanctuary. He would mostly do his rounds, consult a few residents about their points, strike some fear into the wrongdoers, and then go to his office to get some numbers down. He didn't seem pleased at to find oh prepared and ready to go on the edge of his bed, clad in a fresh pair of clothes that he had not given to you.

"Where did you get those?" Lucille was propped up on his shoulder, his fingers pointing towards your newly found attire: a pair of blue jeans and a loose t-shirt.

"I went to my room."

"You did what?" He ground out, a certain rage hidden in his calm demeanor.

"My room is literally right down the hall next to Fat Joe's, it's not a big deal that I traveled a distance of about twenty-five feet to get to a destination."

"Oh really? How long did it take you?" You looked down, his cocky side coming out with a grin. "I'm going to bet it took you a while with that wound of yours."

"Thirty minutes isn't that bad." You tried to sugar coat it, half of your side was in immense pain from the stab wound, walking regularly was not choice.

"Thirty minutes for a three minute walk sounds pretty bad to me." You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

"Can we just go? I want to get out of here." You went to stand up, wobbled, then straightened yourself. Meanwhile Negan was standing close by, watching the entire thing, on edge to ensure that you wouldn't fall.

"I don't think this is a good idea, kid. The last thing I need is for you to hurt yourself more."

"I'm fine, okay? Now where are we going."

"Its game night, remember?"

"Oh yeah." You gave off a cynical smile, Negan caught your satisfaction and waved a finger at you, particularly his middle one.

"Don't even fucking think about it, I won't be going easy on you this time."

"Then I guess Simon, Dwight, Fat Joe, and Vic were going easy on me last time too?"

"Shut it, okay?" He wrapped an arm around yours to hold you up as you limped to the door at his side. "You are such a pain in my ass." You heard him breathe out, in words that were barely audible.

"You are the pain here, not me." He removed his hand to open the door before holding you again to help him.

"What did I say? I don't want to hear another word from you." That silenced it. You both walked down the halls to Dwight's room, or rather studio apartment. His place was humongous, as was Simon's, Negan must have never really wanted anything that big. His wives had a large suite too, you were stuck with the medium sized room with a somewhat clear view of the compound from your window. You didn't mind, it was just enough for you and there wasn't much room for complaint because Negan could have easily given you a room mate in the public dorms.

Dwight's place was perfect for parties though, Negan always had his get togethers in Dwight's room. Not only because it was fairly big, but also because Negan had gifted Dwight with a Chexx hockey table, a television, some leather couches, a mini fridge. Dwight was living the life and he could easily scavenge through the public accommodations whenever he wanted if he felt in the mood for something new. You figured it was the least that Negan could do for him: D man didn't have to work for points, he didn't have to worry about food arrangements, medicine. The reason was was because Negan was fucking his wife, for all you knew that was the only explanation you would stick with. But it wasn't like Simon didn't have some pretty good perks either, Simon had about as much power as Negan the difference was that Simon didn't call the shots, Negan did.

As for you, when you had arrived Negan had taken you under his wing. So you had not only earned the respect from the work that you completed for him, but you also earned the inventory. You could choose whatever gun you wanted, you could have as much junk food that had been collected as you saw fit, and on top of it all you never had to worry about hygiene. Negan gave you a room with your own bathroom, you were allowed free reign of feminine products and shampoo, razors. These were things that could not easily be given unless you were popular in the Sanctuary. Or at least if Negan still considered you a Savior then you still had all of those things. It kind of made you worry, being with Negan had given you a lot of opportunity, opportunities that could very well be missed if he was serious about demoting you.

You both arrived at Dwight's room, the sound of rock music blasting from speakers and echoing down the halls. Negan knocked on the door, Fat Joe answering with a beer in hand and a wide grin on his lips.

"Ey Negan, (Y/N) come on in!" He exclaimed, moving out of the way to reveal the three others inside the room. Down a set of steps was a circular table, sitting at that tables was Dwight, Vic, and Simon. You had thought that Simon would still be at Hilltop, but it must have been a quick reminder for George before Simon came rushing back.

"There's she is!" Simon slurred, he started to clap his hands. There was no doubt that the party had started way before you both had arrived. "Saved Negan's damn life, that's what I am talking about! How you feeling, sugar cube?" You chuckled a little at the name and shook your head.

"I'm doing quite well."

"No she isn't, can't even walk more than two steps without needing help." Negan interrupted, you side glared him before leaving his embrace to start down the steps.

"Want a beer, Negan?"

"Of course, give me a fucking beer." Negan demanded, he propped Lucille up against the railing of the steps, following you down towards the table. There was a couple bags of chips on the leather couch facing the table, it made your stomach growl and your mouth salivate. It had been a while since you had last eaten, for someone who had wanted you to get better Negan wasn't very good at keeping up on your condition. Negan sat down stone of the empty chairs, Simon stood up almost simultaneously to pull your chair out for you so you could sit.

"Thank you kind sir."

"Anything for a lady." Simon winked as he pushed your chair in and circled the table sick to his place, nobody noticed but Negan had given him a somewhat aggravated glance. You scooted in, Dwight was in between Simon and you as silent as ever. Vic was on your other side, he was a lot more trimmed than the bearded men that sat around the table. He had slicked back red hair and a lot of the Saviors had gotten to calling him 'ginger'. He was good friends with Simon, one reason why he was invited to Game night.

Game night was your favorite night, of course there was a poker night, but you were never very good at poker and it was always either Simon or Negan that would win. On game night, however, it was a test of wits not luck and you were a pro when it came to that particular category. There was only one game anyone had ever managed to collect on a run, which was odd considering that toys should be the last thing anyone should be thinking of during the apocalypse. Monopoly was that game and each of you had your very own piece. Negan would always get the battleship, Simon would get the thimble, Vic would get the top hat, Joey would get the shoe, Dwight would get the dog, and you would get the automobile.

The piece arrangement was arranged when you had arrived, your first game night with the boys had been quite a hectic one because everyone wanted a certain piece. Negan had came up with the idea of positioning the pieces into a pile and whoever was to grab a certain piece first would claim that one. You had ended up with the automobile because Fat Joe had slapped your hand to get it, Negan didn't like that so much. You enjoyed the time you spent alone with these men, a time where business could be put to the side and friendship could be relished. Others might think it a bit childish, six grown adults getting together to play a board game, but to you it reminded you of what it was like to have fun. Like how astronauts kept each other sane with their jokes, you all kept each other sane with your games. You never really had very many friends before the world changed and there was no doubt in your mind that the only true friend you had at this table was Negan, but it sure as hell was worth spending time with the rest of them, regardless of what they might be like once you all went back to your respected places.

The board was sprawled out across the table, the money passed out already and it was arranged that Dwight would be the banker. No one else could be trusted with the money, everyone would like to sneak piles under the table or pass them amongst one another, especially Negan and Simon. Your pieces were at the start and it was already decided that you would go first because you were a lady. A couple words were exchanged before you made the first roll, a six and a four that landed you on 'Just Visiting'. Negan was next.

"Just so you know sugar cube, I totally showed those folks at Hilltop whose boss today. You won't have to worry about it next time we go."

"I'm not worried. They were trying to kill Negan remember?"

"Fuck." Fat Joe had landed on 'income tax', four spaces in.

"Haha, that's right pay the banker fatty." Negan said smugly before he took a swig of his beer. Joe payed Dwight and then it was Dwight's turn.

"Yeah, wonder why they would try to kill Negan?"

"Maybe it's because he is a dick sometimes." You stated with a quirky smile, Negan held his arms up.

"I'm right fucking here ya'know?" It was your roll.

"You guys are going to loose so fucking bad." You mumbled as you rolled the dice out and you ended up landing in the pink.

"How is it that you always win?"

"It's the easiest game ever. It's like real life, maintaining a living space, paying for it, getting rent for it, that type of thing."

"God, you are a fucking mastermind." Joe said, he always was the one to lose first.

"It's about forcing people to do what you want. That is why Risk use to be my favorite board game when I was kid, I would win all the time but my parents probably went really easy on me."

The game went on as conversations dwindled, Simon was always good at bringing up very useless topics to go on about. At the moment it was John Meyer and Tina Turner fucking one another. After about thirty minutes and at least a dozen warm beers later you had successfully taken over the most expensive properties, Dwight only had about ten percent of the board and Negan had the rest. Simon, Fat Joe, and Vic had all gone bankrupt and at the moment you were stuck in jail.

"When I get out of jail, you'll be sorry Negan."

"I don't know sweetheart, you might not get out ever for being as naughty as you've been." You snorted, too lost in the game to notice the sexual comment that everyone else had caught on to.

"I'll find a way, I know a lot of people."

"I'm sure you do." Negan snapped back, he knew he was on the verge of losing. As for Dwight, neither of you could determine how he had made it so far.

"You know, it's always puzzled me-"

"Shut up, Simon." Vic shot out, somehow knowing exactly where the conversation was going. Simon was drunk when both Negan and you arrived, his beer drinking was eventually stopped by Negan after Simon started saying a couple things he would have never said on a sober day.

"No really, I think I should say something. Especially after what happened to her."

"Don't even." Fat Joe intervened, Negan glanced over at him as he rolled the dye.

"Say what?" He asked in a serious tone, Fat Joe and Simon shared a look. There was a long silence as Negan moved his piece across the board, luckily barely enough space to bypass your war zone of high end properties. You snatched the dye and rolled, biting on your tongue in concentration.

"I'm gonna buy you out Dwight, you'll see and then Negan is-"

"Say what?" Negan raised his voice just loud enough to stop your own and you shrunk down into your seat with a wince.

"Well uh..." Simon cleared his throat. "We all made a bet on whether or not (Y/N) would be one of your wives after she arrived. Nobody would have guessed that you'd not be attracted to her. I mean hell she is so fucking hot." You gulped, your cheeks becoming a dark red shade, very noticeable amongst the light that shone on the table. "And then when she actually took a knife for you, damn there was a lot of talk about that around the Sanctuary."

"Yeah you are pretty lucky Negan." Vic smiled venomously at you, you shifted awkwardly in your seat. "A gal like her, risking her life for you. She such an angel." Negan looked over at Dwight as he began his turn.

"You too, D man?" His voice was apprehensive, he was definitely not pleased with this bit of information.

"I had bet that she wouldn't." He moved his piece after his roll and then it was Negan's turn. You looked down at the board, suddenly not so interested in the fact that you were winning.

"What else have you bet on between her and me?"

"I think I am done here." You nervously giggled, scooting out of your chair and moving to stand up. You stumbled forward about to fall, catching yourself at the last minute and all the men had risen from the table to come to your aid.

"We bet that you both would fuck each other into the second week she was here, but that never happened." Fat Joe replied, Negan's hands closed into fists.

"She would never fall for a guy like me. She doesn't need any man saving her, isn't that right doll?"

"T-Thats..." You launched towards the staircase, leaning up against the railing and scaling the staircase. "That's right." You made it to the top, making it your personal mission to get yourself out of here.

"You see, she doesn't need any man. That's why I was never goddamned attracted to her. Yeah my fucking women are strong, but they don't have ugly faces and they certainly don't protect themselves. I do the protecting, I bring home the bacon." You stopped when you made it to the top of the staircase.

"Good night guys. Don't worry, Negan. I'll escort myself back to my room."

"No. You'll be going to mine and if you aren't there when I get back, you aren't a Savior anymore. Understood?"

"Yeah... I understand."

"Take Lucille with you, she'll give you some company." You went back to room, limping the entire time and holding a hand to your side. The other hand tightly clasped on to Lucille, she hum on the side of your body that was the weakest, allowing her weight to hall you back to Negan's room. You got ready for bed in the clothes you had worn before, changed your bandages and tried to fill yourself up on what was left of the Mangos you had eaten yesterday, hardly anything.

Negan didn't come back for a few hours, but when he got back he found his two girls. One living creature resting on his bed, the other inanimate weapon resting beside her slumped up in the chair as if she was an actual living thing. Negan couldn't help but smile. He knew you would take care of his Lucille. He just knew it. But what he didn't know was that you had been crying in that very spot, on that very bed. You hadn't left it since you first laid down.

"Fuck you..." He was whispering drunk words. "Fuck you for being so beautiful and angelic and kind to me. After everything I have done to you, and you would risk your life for me? No. You know fucking what? Fuck Peter. Fuck Peter for being the man that you love. Fuck... Fuck Him."

You were still awake


	8. Part Seven: Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things occur that cause you to question where you want to go with your relationship with Peter.

A week passed, Negan allowed you to leave his room and accompany him twice since game night. It had become a bit too much for you, it was enough spending about six hours everyday with him before. Seeing him almost every second of every day was too much and you needed to leave. Of course it was fun in its own way; you had watched The Princess Bride with him at least seven times, you played Monopoly together, made cheesy jokes with one another. At the end of the day you both would share the same bed and in the morning you both would be in some stupid, meaningless embrace. You figured that he would have gotten annoyed with you at some point, but you were in his room because of his orders and he could have easily asked you to leave anytime he so wished. Your room was literally right down the same exact hall. You would drop hints that his wives might be missing him, he would always reply 'how do you know that I haven't already fucked one today?'.

The day you left and went back to your room it was weird for you, not having him there, but somewhat of a relief. You didn't have to clean Lucille for him, pick up his dirty laundry, and worry about him purposefully kicking your legs while you were trying to go sleep. You hadn't seen Peter once in that week, you soon learned that Negan had thrown him in the box not shortly after you had awakened. Peter was traumatized to say the least, but you comforted him as best as you could. All you knew was that he had 'Easy Street' by The Collapsable Hearts Club on repeat in his head and you couldn't do anything about it.

You didn't speak to Negan for about three days after finding out about Peter. Negan never confronted you about leaving the Saviors, you assumed your time with him had changed his mind. Even if he had threatened you multiple times about it under your captivity, you were positive that he would never go through with it. You spent that time with Peter, helping him recover. A couple Saviors went on several runs, but no matter how much Simon had bothered you about it you would stay behind and help around the Sanctuary in other ways. You would help in the kitchen, commissary, guard duty, anything that would keep you on your feet. At the end of the day, things seemed to be going back to normal. Negan didn't seem to notice you whenever you two were in the same room and part of you imagined that was a good thing. It was no secret that living with Negan for a month had caused you to learn a great many of his secrets. Like how he liked to masturbate in the morning with Lucille, or how he covertly wasn't very good at pick up lines. And towards the end of that week with him, that picture of him and that woman had disappeared. You never asked him about it and you never mentioned anything about his past: that was something that the both of you had promised not to talk about, it went unsaid. From the beginning it was always like that, that was another Secret: the woman, the bride, whoever she was. You knew about her, or at least that there was a 'her' before five other women were brought into the equation.

Things with Peter had been going very well, at this point you both had gotten to making out. It had still only been a short time, but you were confident that this relationship would last for a long one. Peter would spend half of his days with you, then he would go off to handle some daily jobs that Simon expected of him. It was nice having someone to talk to. Peter loved to hold you and kiss you in public, he liked to show you off that you were his. It was nice knowing that at least someone could love you for who you were. It was as if the week with Negan had meant nothing to you.

You didn't know why, but there was a habit you had picked up the first day after returning to your room. On your free time, when you were alone, you would go find Negan wherever he was in the Sanctuary and you would watch him for a little bit. You would admire the man he was on the outside as much you had the man on the inside. He was just as veiny and full of blood as the rest of the world was. That was a habit you didn't like talking about, you didn't like that you would do it. You didn't even like Negan. He was your friend, nothing more.

One day you had decided to take up the doctor's shift, the doctor appreciated it and went to go rest until it was time to take up his full time job again. You had never been put into place as the second doctor of the Sanctuary, reason was: you didn't want to put yourself in such a stressful position. It was selfish, completely against the oath you had taken before the dead became undead. That didn't mean you wouldn't help people from time to time, but as for the dead people you had witnessed in your time as a doctor, that stress was too much in this day and age. You had a long list of people you couldn't keep from dying and they had all been treated under your hand. You didn't want to add to that list.

However, taking the shift up for the day was not something as big of a deal for you. You had treated three patients before you were about to turn in the towel and then it happened. As it always does. Shit happens. Negan entered the med room, he was hunched over with Lucille hanging from one hand. The other hand perched under the open slit of his jacket, holding his side.

"Well what a fucking delight." He sarcastically said, his expression was of discomfort and irritation.

"What happened?" You asked a bit more worriedly than you had originally expected.

"A bullet bit my hip is all. Don't mind patching me up, do you doc?"

"Not at all. Take off your jacket and shirt, lay down on the table." He did as you asked, I'll bet slower than he truly wished he could. His white shirt was soaked in blood at the side, after he removed that you were met with the sight of his bare chest. He laid down onto the table with a sigh, the bloody Lucille still firmly grasped in his other hand.

You rolled the utensils over to your side of the table and very cautiously took Lucille from his grasp. He watched as you compassionately placed the weapon down on the chair of the doctor's desk. Negan snorted as you went became to him and began to work.

"You treat her like a person, doll. How kind of you." You decided not to react to the nickname, neither the serene smile on his lips, or the tender words. You dabbed around the wound, his teeth clenching as you dig into the hole at his side to get the bullet. "No fucking warning?!" He shouted to balance out the pain, you ignored his protests as you placed the red dented bullet onto the tray.

"You are really fucking lucky." You stated, "the bullet wasn't far from your circumflex femoral arteries."

"Well shit, I could have fucking died."

"Kind of, yeah." You stepped away from the table to grab the needle and thread for stitches. "It's going to be about fifteen stitches at the most. You will have to be careful while this heals."

"You going to ask me to stay in your room, princess?" You couldn't help but crack a grin at that.

"I'm sure you wouldn't want to see my ugly face as often as you claim."

"You know..." He began, sitting up with a grunt on the edge of the table. He watched as you moved back and forth about the room. "Lucille over there isn't really pretty, but she sure as hell gives me a hard on every time I use her." Your face wrinkled in disgust, if that was his attempt at a compliment it went way wrong.

"I'm sure you would fuck just about anything Negan."

"Not true. I don't fuck men."

"But I'm sure you would." Negan shrugged as though the idea had come to him at some point in time.

"Never take it in the ass though, that shit is not cool." You heaved your lack of interest in the conversation, gesturing to his things.

"You can go now. I'm done with you."

"No pain meds?"

"You would say you wouldn't need them."

"So fucking smart." He jumped off of the table, grabbing his things from the desk he threw them on. You took a swift glance at his bare, hair chest one last time before he put his white shirt on. You would always remember those thick curls, they would travel down into those taut pants of his. He had a nice ass... but not as nice as Peter's.

"How is everything going with the Kangaroo?" You knew that he meant Peter and that arguing against the nickname would have done nothing.

"Real good actually." And you left it at that, but as Negan shrugged his jacket on with a pensive gaze in your direction, you knew he wanted more. "Him and I, we enjoy our time together." You smiled a little in Negan's direction. "It's nice to have someone you can talk to." Negan nodded with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah..." He barely uttered, he doesn't bother zipping up his jacket. He snatched Lucille off the desk chair, his back to you and you can tell his is still in deep thought. He swung Lucille around with his turn to you and his expression was absent of color and emotion. "Could I get some advice? You know, perhaps to help with some medical shit going on. Real quick." You crossed your arms and nodded your head.

"Anything, Sir." He sighed.

"Drop the fact that I am your big boss, I need authentic doctor information here." You don't say anything, becoming more and more unsatisfied with this talk as it went. "Sherry and I are trying to have a kid, any ways we can quicken the process." You tense up at the thought that he was asking you this. You were a doctor after all, you had learned about infertility and fertility and the best menstruation periods.

"Um..." You gulped back how horrific the situation was. "Just before she gets her period I would say. Most woman are really open at those times and their just on the verge of ovulation. Other than that the process of getting the sperm to the egg..." You were saying everything with haste, your nervous school girl self popping out from the shadows to come up with every medical answer you could provide. "...with as much speed, insertion-"

"Hey, Princess?" Negan interrupted and you looked up at him from your spotted view to the floor. He was grinning then, holding Lucille up.

"For a women who hasn't had fucking sex in a long time, you sure as hell know a lot about it." He jested and you leaned more onto your left leg, one hand moving to your hip.

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, that's about it. So all I have to do is fuck her more?" You blinked as you nodded your head, despite the obvious audacity of the statement compared to everything you had just told him to do, your eyes closed a bit longer than a usual motion. "Good. I will have to do that. I'll see you around..." Negan moved to leave. "Buttercup." He then stopped immediately after saying the nickname. He turned to you and pointed Lucille again. "Yeah, that's your name from now on, Buttercup."

"But Buttercup was-"

"Beautiful." He finished for you as he continued back out of the med room. The idea of everything that had just happened in the previous moments, it sent shivers down your spine.

Later in the day you cleaned up and met Peter for Dinner. Negan was sitting at dinner that day, suspiciously right across from your table with Peter. You had decided to ignore him as you and Peter continued on with your daily touches and talks and routines.

"I am planing on getting you a new coat soon. The commissary has a couple, but it has to be a perfect one. I think you'll like it, Shiela." You blushed, your hand moving to interlock with his.

"I would love that." He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you into his side.

"I thought you would, it would keep you warm from those chills you always complain about." You snuggled into his side.

"As long as I am with you, I don't have to worry about them, do I?"

"Of Course not." He was faintly caressing the side of your cheek, his hand put pressure there and you were brought into another slow and tantalizing kiss. When he pulled away, he was gazing down at you with glossy blue eyes of wonder and adoration. "There was something else I wanted to talk to you about today." You panicked, perhaps he was catching on to the fact that Negan and you were no longer inseparable, a lot of others had. It was quite unusual that Negan and you did not hang out as much as you did before.

"Is something wrong?" You asked as you looked up from under his chin, he smirked and shook his head.

"Of course not. I was just wondering if you wanted to well..." His other hand reached over to rest on your thigh. "Get to know one another better, in private and intimacy." You looked down at his hand on your thigh, turning a bright red again before looking at him and biting your bottom lip.

"I uh... I don't know. It's been a while and I want us to take our time."

"But god..." He pressed his forehead to yours and rubbed your noses. "I feel like I have known you my entire life." His hand went up from your thigh to your jaw, his index finger caressing the skin. The action gave you goosebumps, the action similar to what Negan had done to you. What does that matter? You closed the distance between Peter and you, your lips firmly against his. Your lips parted against his soft pillows to allow his tongue access to your mouth. Your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers sinking through his fluffy head of blonde hair. His lips were smooth and fresh, sloppy in their own unique way. You both pulled away with smirks and heavy breathes, foreheads still together as your noses rubbed against one another affectionately.

"I will think about it."

A loud bang at the other side of the table caused you both to jolt, on the other side sat Lucille and Negan was moving down to take a seat. He did not look pleased at all.

"Hello, Sir." Peter straightened out, his arm still around you tightly.

"How many times do I have to tell you stupid fucks to call me Negan?"

"My apologies, Negan." Peter's lips quirk up slightly, he was afraid.

"Did that punishment do any good for you, Peter?"

"Yes, Negan. I have learned my lesson, if your wives need something I will tell them to go to you."

"That's a good boy." You rolled your eyes and fiddled with Peter's fingers, Negan's eyes caught the motion and through that he seemed to become less calm. "How are you two doing? As a couple I mean?" Negan asked frigidly.

"It's amazing, thank you very much. Now can you go?" You were not going to have Negan ruin what you had grown to have with Peter, not matter how confusing his actions seemed to you.

"Darling." Peter chastises with a comforting squeeze to your shoulder.

"It's alright, Pete. I just wanted to have a talk with you both for a second. I really..." Negan licked his lips. "Dont fucking think that everything is on the table here?" Negan itched his nose with his gloved hand and looked at the both of you with a mocking seriousness.

"What do you mean? Peter and I tell each other everything, Negan."

"Oh Really? Peter," Negan cocked his head to the Aussie. "Do you tell your gal everything? Like for instance, how many girlfriends do you have Peter? I would have sworn you were getting real close with Anna yesterday." Peter's grip on your shoulder released slightly, his face turned pale. You looked up at him expectantly, waiting for him to protest. "It's alright to be dicking around a bit, but I am sure that these woman would like to know who they are fucking dealing with first." Negan addressed you with snarky smile, you glared. Your hands turned into fists, you looked over at Peter with a boiling heat.

"Anna?"

"We were talking about that deal with the coat. It was nothing."

"Kissing must mean nothing then?" Negan added, Peter's jaw clenched and he looked away from you. You scooted away from his grasp, not bothering to get up and leave. Negan did, he gave you a wink before disappearing back into his group of dinner buddies. You would usually be there. Not this time.

"Look Baby, that old man is just getting back at me. Anna and I did nothing together."

"He isn't an old man." You muttered under your breath, Peter leaned over.

"Pardon?" Your eyes were glistening with the unbearable clench of your heart.

"He isn't old..." You looked back up at him. "He is just really grumpy all the time. He likes his apocalyptic coffee black. He listens to heavy metal and he has five wives. Who gives a fuck tho? He has never cheated on any of them and he certainly wouldn't go around flaunting it if he ever did." You stood up from the table and left the cafeteria, you weren't sure what to feel anymore. What were you feeling? Oh yeah, you needed a real friend. 


	9. Part Eight: Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't know who to go to, you don't know what to do. So who do you go to? Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know exactly what direction this fanfiction will go in. The question is if this chapter encompasses that shift, that's what this chapter is for. I'm not so sure. Tell me what you think. :) And thank you all for the support. Things are going to get really fun.

  
You didn't talk to Peter the next day, having left him that night to go to your room and think things over. It didn't take long for you to find yourself at Negan's office and the sounds coming from it were not very welcoming at all.

_Oh Negan! Harder! More! More!_

_Fuck Baby! That's right, ride that cock!_

You waited at the far end of the hall, where the screams of pleasure and ecstasy were muffled. The fact that you didn't leave was proof enough that you were desperate and that you needed someone to talk to. After another hour or so, Amber came out of the room. Negan giving her a goodbye kiss through the frame of the door. She waltzed down the hall after he had closed the door, clad in a pair of black lace undergarments. She passed you with a sneer, not willing to care that you had been listening the entire time. You stood up and went back to the door, raising a closed fist to knock.

Negan answered it, he was butt naked. His drenched cock hanging there for all to see and sweaty chest hairs mangled on his torso, along with dazed eyes and a wicked grin. His hand grabbed the top of the frame and he leaned forward, muscles clenching at the movement and tattoos that were as beautiful as the goddamned Mayan wall drawings rippling with the taut tan skin.

"Hello there buttercup, I am kind of busy right now. Is this important?" You looked everywhere except for at him, mostly because he was naked and totally fucked. How were you supposed to deal with this? This was so awkward. And Fuck... He was very well endowed.

"I need someone to talk to, but if you want me to come back later I can-"

"No, come on in." He moved out of the way, only allowing you so much room to squeeze into his office. You slid past his naked body without issue, aside from the hot mess you had become as soon as he had cleared your proximity. To draw yourself from the sinful fantasies that were starting to cook in your brain, you took note of the disaster that the office had become. The couch was covered in tangled up blankets and pillows, a couple objects had fallen from the desk and the coffee table and were then sitting on the floor. Negan scratched his bare groin as he walked over to his desk and sat down in his chair. You sat down across from him, politely resting your hands on your lap. "It's been a while since you set foot in here." He began and you shook your head in agreement. What were you doing here? He was naked. Why didn't he look like an old fart? Why does he look like a sex maniac?

"We haven't exactly been very social with one another."

"Yeah, I know." He leaned back in the chair, crossing his legs where his flaccid cock sat on his hairy thigh. You look down at your hands because there was no way he can stay naked like that when you talked to him. "You've been kind of rude too." You closed your eyes and took a deep breathe.

"I don't know what I have done."

"I take care of you for a whole week and then you just toss me aside?"

"Maybe it's better that way." There was no response to your answer, so you immediately determined that it was because he agreed too. The things you did together they made you both question what you were doing with yourselves, how you felt about one another. Ever since you had told Negan about Peter, he hadn't ever been the same with you since.

"So what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Peter... I am not sure if what you told me yesterday was true or not. Has he really been with other women?" Negan cocked his head at you with a serious scowl.

"Would I fucking lie?" Negan's eyebrows raised slightly with a rhetorical flash his words had provided. "He is with a different woman almost every other week and that was before I threw him in the box. When you went back to him, he was still fucking other woman. All the time, buttercup."

"So what do I do?" You believed Negan, but you also wanted to see it for yourself. You wanted Peter to tell you the truth, you really did love him.  
  
"Why are you asking me?" Negan picked his feet up off the table and scooted the chair in closer. "Why did you come to me?" He tilted his head so his ear was facing you as he waited for your response. It must satisfy him to think that you needed him for things like this. You never exactly knew why, it had always been hard for you to connect with anyone besides your father. When the apocalypse began you didn't talk to anyone, cue Negan and that entirely changed.

"Because I don't know who else to talk to. You are so good with things like this and I have only been in at least two relationships in my entire life. I trust you." Negan didn't expect that answer, by the way he adjusted himself.

"Leave him."

"You don't think I should talk to him about it first-"

"He doesn't deserve you." You wiped your eyes of the tears that were starting to threaten their way down your cheeks.

"I really do love him though Negan."

"If you have only been in two real relationships, then how do you even fucking know what love is, sweetheart?" You sniffled, straightening yourself out and raising your chin.

"Have you ever been in love?" You realize how ironic it was that you'd be asking him that question. Before you had gotten stabbed you had insulted him by telling him that no one had ever loved him and he would never be loved

"Of course, I fucking have." His voice sounded like sandpaper.

"What is it like? What do you feel?"

"It feels like..." His eyes began to wander, along with his words and you weren't sure if he was having a flashback or an epiphany or whatever the fuck it was. He was out of it and that was all that you knew. You waited for him to return, his deep dark brown eyes looking up into you, when you noticed that there was hazel to them. "You want to be near them every second of every single day, you would die for them, you would never hurt them, without them you don't feel the same. Sometimes you just want to bottle them up and keep them all to yourself, but then you realize that they aren't something to own and you let them go. You could only hope that they come back to you and sometimes, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they are so kind to you and you just treat them like shit because you don't know what you really have." You didn't want to dig, but the more he spoke the more enthralled you became in the mystery behind this man. The more reason you had to ask about her.

"Do you remember her name?"

"Lucille. Her name was Lucille." You froze up, all your joints incapable of making the slightest movement. Lucille was the name of his bat, Lucille could be the name of the woman in that picture, and the woman in that picture looked exactly like you. Negan was staring at you after that, you weren't sure if he was contemplating whether or not you were processing his words or if he was watching your reaction. It all made sense

"Lucille, was she the woman in that picture?"

"Yes." Negan abruptly replied, you gulped audibly and stood up.

"I am going to go, I have stuff to do."

"That's a lie, you don't have to fucking lie to me."

"I am so sorry." You muttered before swiftly exiting the office to go to your room.

You sat in your room thinking, just sitting there in silence. You wondered about a lot of things: about Lucille, about Negan, about how you felt about Peter, about your life, about everything. Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock at your door and on the other side was Peter. You didn't say anything, instead allowing him his chance even if he might not have deserved it.

"Look, we need to talk, Shiela. Can I come in?" You stepped out of the way and Peter entered, you cautiously closed the door behind him and leaned up against it. He looked around before turning his attention back to you, he gave a tight lipped smile. "Nice place you have here." He gestured to his surroundings before shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Thank you." You spoke so low that not even a bug could hear it and Peter took a step towards you.

"I have to tell you the truth and I don't want you to get upset."

"I'm-" You swallowed uncomfortably. "I'm listening."

"I have fucked a lot of woman around here..." You tense up at the confession, willing yourself to listen longer. "And yes I have been with other women these past few days while I have been with you. But I realized that they don't matter to me." He was gazing into your eyes, reaching a hand out for your own and despite yourself you took it. "You mean everything to me. I feel so different when I am with you, I-" He stopped himself, his hand pulling you further into his body. You wrapped your arms around his neck, you caressed the side of his face.

"You what?"

"I love you." His voice cracked as if the very utterance of something as committal as that had struck his heart. His hand released yours and then both of them were at either side of your face. You shivered with delight and leaned in against him further, cupping his cheek. "I love you so much that it hurts and I can't stand to be away from you like this anymore."

"I feel the same, I just-" What is wrong with you? Didn't you want this? "I didn't know if you did." You were no longer leaking tears of confusion and loneliness, but happiness and bliss. You pulled him down into an open mouthed kiss, his hands went around your waist and pulled you closer. He then pressed your back up against the door behind you, his lips traveling over to your neck and you moaned.

"Oh sheesh, I don't know Peter." You chuckled obnoxiously, Peter suckled at the skin of your neck. "I haven't-" You breathlessly started, "Done this in so long."

"I want it to be me then. I want you so bad. This is what people do when they love each other-" He bite down on your neck and you jumped up in excitement with a squeak. "They make love."

There was a sharp knock at the door and Peter pulled away albeit hesitantly. You turned around to open the door after gathering your sanity and on the other side was Negan to your dismay. As soon as he saw Peter you could visibly see his indignation.

"Is something wrong, Negan?"

"We are going out for a little mission, I want all my Saviors to meet at the gate in five." You nodded your head and Peter came up behind you in the background.

"Yes, Sir." Negan then snapped a finger up to the harsh bite mark on your neck.

"Better cover that up too, don't want people mistaking you for a slut." Then he left at that, a rage bubbling up in your stomach. Nothing could soothe you, not even Peter's delightful kisses as you closed the door.

"We can finish when we get back?" Peter asked hopefully and you nodded with a feigned smile.

"But maybe I want to take it slower." Peter didn't say anything as he brought you back into another kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."


	10. Part Nine: Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan brings the Saviors out for a little 'mission', but it appears there is more to it then a mere show of power to the other factions.

On the ride to wherever Negan had decided to drag the Saviors to there was an awkward silence. You sat next to Peter, across from Dwight and a couple of other men. Negan had sat in his own RV, driving in the very back of the caravan of cars. The entire time Peter had held your hand, in such a manner that it was almost nauseating. When you had the guts to pull your hand from his and wipe your sweaty palm on your pants you could feel his stare. The truck stopped and everyone was let out into some dark place in the forest. Simon and his men were there in their trucks, parked to make a circle. Negan came up alongside the trucks, he exited the RV with purposeful strides.

"All of you fucks go out into the forest and hide, don't make a sound until you see something."

"Who are we waiting for?"

"A truck on its way to the Kingdom." Simon answered, "The fuckers at Hilltop think they can double deal." There was a jumble of word throughout the group of Saviors at this news. Everyone knew about the Kingdom and it certainly had pissed them off that they were so willing to combat Negan's rule. Peter wrapped an arm around you as everyone dispersed out into different parts of the forest.

"Peter!" Peter stopped at Negan's call and turned to face him with you at his side. "You two can go hide over there." Negan pointed to a darker part of the forest, Peter grabbed your hand and led you in that direction. You couldn't really make out what was in front of you until Peter had pulled out a flashlight. You both situated yourself near a path and then Peter had started to get touchy.

His hands cupped your sides, traveling up to your breasts and squeezing. You let out a giggle and playfully pushed him away.

"Not now and not here." You said to him as quietly as you could, he kissed you softly pulling you up against his front.

"I can't wait any longer." He moaned to you, you smiled caressing his cheek.

"Please, for me." He sighed just as a sound echoed from behind you both, Peter flashed the flashlight in its direction. You grabbed the flashlight swiftly and turned it off. "Are you crazy? It could be them." You hissed and the sound came again, Peter unsheathed his Bowie knife.

"I don't think it is, they are in a truck. Stay here, darling, I will be back." You squinted in the dark as Peter's shadow descended into nothingness.

"Be careful." You murmured and turned back to look at the empty pathway. There was nothing as far as you could see and you couldn't see very much. You sat there for a little bit longer than you had expected, Peter was nowhere to be seen and neither was this group that Negan had been going on about.

You had decided to go out and search for Peter, worried that something really bad had happened to him. You used the bark of the trees as your guidance, walking slow so that you might not stumble over anything.

"Peter." You called out in a mere whistle, you received no reply. You took one more step forward and then followed a stomp sound from your side. Footsteps approached as leaves broke under boots and you could make out a shadow in front of you. "Oh Peter, is that you? I was worried since you hadn't-" You didn't have a chance to finish before lips were roughly pressed against your own. A hard body pushed you into the tree you had been grasping onto.

Your hands explored, hoping to find that it was Peter, but there no denying that whoever this was had a much more excessive flood of stubble than Peter. Their scratchy beard was rubbing at your cheeks and your lips, an experience you weren't sure if you liked or not. Your hands went up out of instinct, pressing against... leather. A leather glove came up to clasp your cheek, a stiff warm tongue molding over your lips. You allowed it entrance when a gasp escaped you, the other bare hand moved down to grab at your ass. The kiss created a warmth deep within your belly and you couldn't help but whimper as your pink muscle came in contact with his own. You had no common sense at this point, lost in the darkness and the pleasure of it all. You knew who this was, but your mind was in such heaven that you could hardly tell yourself to leave it.

You took handfuls of Negan's jacket, your hands clenching into fists as his tongue moved across your lips like a dance. He leaned back, your lips smacking like suction cups against his own.

"Buttercup..." He breathed, you didn't know what to do so you pulled him back in again. Your mouth was against his stubbled cheek, working up to his neck. "Fuck." He caressed down your sides in smooth patterns. "I could fuck you right here and now, just say the word." That snapped you out of your state and you dropped back abruptly, you were probably a mess thankfully one he couldn't see.

"This was a mistake." You stated plainly, then you took a step back releasing your vice grip on his jacket. "I shouldn't have allowed you to do that." Your hand went up to your lips, moving across the wet skin. He ate your mouth out with his lips, that was erotic on its own. "Where's Peter?"

"I told him to go hide in another spot." Negan whispered with a certain amusement leaking from his voice. Negan's hand encased yours and he began to tug you back in the direction of the RV. "You are going to be with-" The whistling started, the truck had been spotted.

Negan hurried back with you to the RV and you both entered from the other side entrance. You both sat down at the booth, where Lucille sat propped up against the side of the RV. Negan smirked at you from his seat across from you, you couldn't believe that you had kissed him. You loved Peter. Not him.

"Isn't this exciting, buttercup. I am waiting to display my badassery to these good for nothing fucks..." Negan laughed. "And they will be on their knees for me. Isn't that a fucking turn on?"

"I don't think it is."

"Then what does turn you on?" You were wondering why he even bothered asking, you didn't like him in that fashion. Even if the kiss was amazing, you weren't going to admit that it was better than your kisses with Peter.

"Not any of your business."

"I'll tell you what..." He cracked his fingers and cleared his throat. "Beard hair, biting, roughness. That is just some of the things that I think turn you on."

"I'm with Peter. It was a mistake to allow you to do that. It's like I am just as good as nothing now."

"So you have come to the realization that he is a fucking cheater? Finally!"

"He confessed his love to me and I to him. I love him and he promised me he would never push me aside again. No more other woman." Negan shook his head, you took a deep breath. "I don't see what the big deal is, Negan!" You were pissed, there was no going back. "You were the one that helped Peter and me get together! You were the one that pushed me away and now you want to be near me again but in a completely different way."

"I never helped you-"

"Fuck you! Whatever you were going to say is a hunk of bullshit and you know it." You tried to steady your breathing, unclench your heart and your fists and your mind. "It's because I look like her." Negan's eyes widened slightly.

"What do you-" You placed your hands over your face and starting crying.

"It's because I look like Lucille and you loved Lucille." Negan grabbed your wrists delicately and removed your hands from your wet face, as red as a tomato.

"It isn't because of that. Although..." He was so serious, so meaningful, genuine. More genuine than you had ever seen him before. "No matter how fucking beautiful you are you remind me so much of her, I could never do that to you. I could never replace her with you, even your laugh and your blush, jesus fuck even your breasts are like hers."

"So what is that supposed to mean? Is that the reason you made me one of your top saviors, your elites? Because I looked like her?"

"No." He released your wrists, resting his hands flat on the table. He couldn't meet your questioning gaze. "It's because you are a good asset and you are strong and so fucking useful around the Sanctuary, really smart too."

"There are plenty of men around the Sanctuary that could match my skills and intelligence."

"You don't give yourself enough fucking credit, do you? Well if that is what you think, something that truly separates you from them is your loyalty to me," He stabbed a finger to his chest. "No matter how much I fucking treat you like shit."

"So that is why? Because I would do anything for you? That doesn't mean anything." You crossed your arms and looked away, but there was a feeling. There was something more to his words and you wanted nothing more than to find out what that was. There was something that you wanted to say, but you didn't know what.

"Doesn't it mean something though? Fuck kid, how naive are you?" He groused out, turning his torso and letting his legs stretch out from under the booth.

"I love Peter."

"I don't think you do and let me tell you that Peter doesn't love you very much either."

"What are you trying to do here Negan?" Your voice was broken and exhausted when Negan finally looked up at you. He really looked at you, not questioning, or confused, or angry, but almost in a trance.

"You know, kid. I care about you." He admitted and suddenly you were looking at him too. "I always have. Its not just because you remind me of Lucille, it's because I don't have anybody else to talk to. My wives are fucking idiots, they only want me for my dick, but you-"

_Knock! Knock!_

Both Negan and you turned your attention to the door, you with your glistening eyes and him with his dreamy stare.

"This was merely a way to get you alone with me, work things out between us." He stood up and adjusted himself in his pants before grabbing Lucille. "Stay in here, buttercup. The last thing I want is for anything to happen to you again." He turned his back to you, starting steady strides towards the door.

"What are you going to do?" He paused in his footsteps.

"I'm going to show them who owns this world so they can never fuck with me again." Shivers ran up your spine and when Negan left all you could hear was screaming and crying and pain. You couldn't love this man, you loved Peter.

 

 


	11. Part Ten: Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan gives you two choices, too bad that you had made the wrong one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got really bored and somehow I produced this chapter.

  
Negan came back after about thirty minutes, he waltzed in with blood spattered across his face. He snapped his fingers and pointed at you with that signature smirk of his.

"There is my girl. How are you doing, Buttercup?"

"W-What did you do?" He shrugged, nearly skipping over to the booth and taking his seat.

"I killed all of them, except for one. I sent the one back to Hilltop." Your lips parted and closed as if you were about to speak, but nothing came out. "Would you like to know why?" He leaned in extremely close, bloody Lucille was swung up and over onto the table of the booth, you flinched away. _Why did it bother you? You had seen Negan kill countless people with her, you had seen many people die under the saviors' wrath._

"He looked exactly like fucking Jesus!" Negan bellowed out in a boisterous laughter, he threw his head back and held a hand over his belly. "You wouldn't fucking believe me, but I am telling you the semblance was shocking as fuck." You said nothing, merely staring at him with wide eyes as if he was some insane monster. His laughter dulled down as he took in a deep breathes to calm himself, it truly was amusing to him. "At least I know when I hit the pearly gates that I fucking saved God's son." You bit your bottom lip, a bit distraught, you were worried. Then suddenly he wasn't smiling anymore, instead peering at his weaved fingers. "That wasn't the reason I wanted you to come along though. I didn't invite you along to be disappointed in me. Usually with petty missions like this it isn't necessary for all of the saviors to be here, but I wanted them all to see what I had planned for you."

"W-What-What did you have planned?"

"I want you to marry me." Your breath hitched, fuck that, you had forgotten how to breathe completely. _You didn't love this man! He wanted you to be his wife?_ You immediately began shaking your head in denial. There was no way you were going to join Negan's Harem, no way you would be number six. You were his friend, not his girlfriend. You should have said something earlier, deep down you knew he had been going in this direction since you had told him about Peter. He had been different since you had confessed your feelings to him about the man you truly loved. You never would have thought that he would actually go along with it.

"That isn't fucking happening." You weren't sure what to feel. Where was Peter? Why did Negan suddenly want to marry you? He didn't love you, Peter loved you.

"Why not? It's not like it isn't something to think about."

"No..." You cried, your voice cracked and you were now leaned into the table with your head down, tears streaming from your eyes. "I don't love you, Negan. What don't you understand?"

"Buttercup, look at me." You lifted your head just enough to get a look at him. "How can you know what love is? How can you understand that he is the man for you?"

"I know because I feel it. Why can't you just let me live in piece about this?" You couldn't help yourself, you reached across the table, placing your hands over his. "I thought you would be my friend, support me through this. You helped me get Peter's attention and now you want me to ditch him for you. I thought I could trust you, you alone. Everyone else would have tried to manipulate my decision to be with him, but I never would have guessed you would too." Negan's eyebrows drooped and his head dropped a little, his eyes never left yours. "Is it so hard for you to deal with denial?" He ground his teeth together, his glove squeaked.

"Are you finally getting back at me? Doing this shit to spite me for all that I have done to you? Have you held a grudge? Because it isn't fucking funny! I'm telling you this because I mean it, not many people get the chances that I give you, kid." You could feel how tormented he was inside, you could hear it. _You knew it wasn't because he actually loved you, it was because you looked like Lucille, right?_ He needed to know that you weren't going to let him take you away because he thought he was in charge. Peter.

"Negan, I never cared much for what you would call me or how you looked at me." You wanted him to know that you were still his friend. You wanted him to hear your sincerity and your soft words. "But I have a confession to make..." Your lips quirked up a bit. "I never would have had it any other way, because for all the horrible things that you have said to me we have done some great things together. I would never spite you because of that."

"Really, like what? You are the only woman I know that doesn't want my dick and it makes me crazy. I want you to be with me. I am willing to do anything for you at this point to make that happen." His voice cracked, but he quickly fixed it to cover up his emotions. "I use to never think that anyone would take you from me. I use to never think that you would fall in love with someone else. I use to think that you were mine to observe and relish in for as long as I lived." He licked his lips, he was starting to fidget. Telling all of these emotions, he knew it was unlike him. "And I thought about it, once or twice, making you my wife and my men thought about me doing it too."

"We work together, survive together, talk to one another. I never looked at you like that Negan, in fact, at one point I thought you were trying to fill in as my father figure."

"Well I still can be your daddy-" He clipped that smug grin from his lips in favor of a more stricter persona that conformed to the moment. "Never mind that! I don't want Peter to hurt you. How many times do I have to say it?!" He groaned, his teeth clenching. "I fucking care about you. Really. Really, badly." Your smile fell, you weren't so sure about how you felt anymore about anything. Maybe this was why you never got involved with anyone, work had always been an excuse, but there was no denying that it was mostly the drama and commitment of it all that had held you back.

"I'm happy for that. Grateful Negan, but maybe it's time that you moved on." _Negan doesn't care about anyone! Are you fucking Crazy? He cares about you. Does Peter care about you?_ It sounds so much different when Negan says it, it feels different. "You don't love me, you just are infatuated with the idea of me, the way I look like Lucille is the reason why you are like this way right now." Negan's expression of dread was uplifted into splintered irritation. You said something wrong. "I can never replace her and I don't plan on it. You have five other wives, Negan. Five wives to keep you company, you don't need another."

"Your boyfriend is waiting for you outside." He said it without a second to spare, his glare what caused you to pull your hand away as if his skin was smoldering hot. The loss of warmth that his skin brought causing your hands to go frigid, a few alarms going off in your head. You stood up and went to leave the RV, afraid of what mess you would find. "Goodbye for good, buttercup. It was a good time." You paused, a bit confused with his sudden change in tone. A bit confused in general. Especially with the shift in mood in the RV.   
  
You stepped out of the RV, only to find Peter waiting there alongside Simon. Peter opened his arms wide for you to come to him, you went rushing into his arms.

"What is this?"

"He was going to kill me, Shiela." Peter placed his hands on either side of your face to make you look up at him. Peter looked like he was about to cry, his eyes were soft and his eyebrows narrow. "He said that you needed to make a decision and that it was between him and me." You couldn't believe that Negan would go to such lengths, when you scanned your surroundings you found the other Saviors, encircling the line of trucks: ready for a show. There were three dead bodies, heads smashed in by Lucille and the truck that must have belonged to Hilltop. It's contents had been moved for use at the Sanctuary, one of the trucks would take it there. Simon was watching from beside you both, a mellow expression on his face. He patted your shoulder once and gave a firm nod.

"Come on boys. It's time to go." You went to leave with the others, expecting Peter to follow. Instead a hand grasped your wrist and Peter pulled you back into him.

"We aren't going with them this time, Shiela." Your lips twitched and you looked over to Simon, who was already making his way to leave. The RV started and began its trek away, men entering the trucks to leave after the RV. You went to yank yourself away from Peter, he held you firmly.

"Peter stop! Let me go! What is going on?"

"I'm sorry, Shiela. I should have told you before, but-"

"But, what?! They are leaving without us!" You sobbed, you eventually stopped struggling to watch as the trucks left one by one. Simon waved at you as he entered his own and drove off with Vic driving. The last truck left and your struggling dimmed down, along with the light in your heart, the hope.

"I should have told you, I just-"

"Tell me, Peter! They are leaving us here, why would Negan do this?"

"I had sex with one of his wives." The world had stopped, your heart, your mind, everything. You couldn't think straight, all you wanted to do was kill something and you had never killed anything before. You had something good in the Sanctuary and within seconds it was thrown away with a stupid decision. Peter was still grasping onto you, you gently pried his fingers from your body and you stepped away. Your heart began to thud, metaphorically speaking you should be dead. And Negan was right, Peter would hurt you and ultimately Negan knew this would have happened.  
  
The whole dilemma that had led to Peter noticing you had not been an act as Negan had claimed previously. Negan was seriously going to kill Peter from the beginning, but you had risked your life for him. You had willingly put yourself between Lucille and Peter, you had willingly gone against Negan in an act of defiance, you would have died for Peter. But Negan never had killed Peter, he had never killed Peter because you had loved him. He had never given Peter the iron and he had never given Peter Lucille. He had only ever threatened that he would kick you out of the Saviors and even then there was no true acts to do so. Peter was considering you, his hand held out in offering.

"You lied to me. You knew that Negan hated you because of what you did. Did you-" You took a deep breath. "Did you use me to keep Negan from killing you?"

"Never! I would have never have done that to you. I love you." So far the words had hardly been as striking as they had been before. You were starting to notice the lilt that his accent had thrown in, you weren't so sure if he meant what he was saying anymore.

"No... You don't."

"Don't be Ridiculous, love." Peter turned his attention to something behind you. "Come on, come to me." He held his hand out with more emphasis. "I have a place we can go."

"I am not going anywhere with you." You swiped a wrist across your face to wipe your tears away. "I just threw away my way of life, my reputation so that I could be with you. I love you, Peter. Or at least I thought I did. I just need to think things over. I don't want anything to do with you, right now. Just leave me be." You turned away to go find yourself and instead were met with a cold, snarling body. You fell backward, Peter capturing you before you hit the ground and dragging you away.   
  
When you both were at a safe distance, he allowed you to collect yourself. A walker was making its approach towards you both, holding his hands out and very slowly treading in your direction.

"Let's just go. It's not fast enough anyways, I am more worried about how we are going to get out of here." He took a giant step away from the undead beast as the walker got closer, taking you with him. He wrapped an arm around your waist. "Lets go then." He gestured to the truck that the traitors from Hilltop had been driving. "I'm sure the keys are still in there. If not I know how to hot wire it." He grabbed your hand and pulled you along without your approval, you yanked yourself away from him.

"Peter, Stop! You are hurting me!"

Then it happened. Your entire world crumbled to the ground and you had been so stupid to have revolved it around this single man.

"Oh God, you are so fucking annoying!" He swung his other hand around in a closed fist, it met directly with your cheek bone. The force of it threw you to the ground. "This could have been so much easier if you had just fucking went along with it. Blimey, you are a desperate little bitch, aren't ya'?" You looked up at him with a pained gaze, holding your slowly swelling cheek. You could only hope that Negan would come racing back in his RV, there to protect you.

"W-What d-do you mean?" You were scared, pushing yourself up on one hand you waited for Peter to explain. He was hardly as charming as he had appeared before. Any man that had the gull to hit a woman was no man at all.

"I was sent out to get something of value that belonged to Negan, I figured one of his wives would do. It almost worked too and then you came along..." Peter shook his head, he placed his hands on his hips and chuckled. "After you had told Negan that you were desperately in love with me, he just had to do a little digging. He obviously couldn't let you go without knowing who he was giving you too. He found out about Tanya and me, didn't like it so much." Peter licked his lips, he crouched down beside you and caressed your cheek. "He tried to tell you, but you were head over heels for me. Weren't you there, bludger?" He sighed, cocking his head and wiggling his eyebrows. "And Negan, Negan loved you so much that he was willin' to forget that I had broken one of his most important rules. But before he had been forced to make that decision, you had jumped out in front of him. You had saved my life in risking your own. Stupid girl, all you wanted was my Willy isn't that right?" Peter patted his crotch obscenely, you covered your face completely and curled into a ball on the ground. "And you know the best part, Negan gave you to me without any trouble. He wants you to be so happy that he would put all of his authority aside so that you could be with me. The only way that can happen is if he distances himself from you, so guess what that means?"

"F-Fuck you!" Peter scowled down at you, he hunched over and grabbed your arms easily lifting you up onto your feet. You struggled as much as you could, but you weren't very strong for as much you could endure. "Stop it!" Peter punched you across the face again and you tumbled back until you fell on your ass. This was pathetic. You knew how to fight, so why weren't you?

"It means that Negan will come for you and boy am I going to have fun with that. Negan will be begging for me to end the terrors that I will enforce on you. Don't worry..." You were broken. He punched you once again, hard enough to where you lip had busted and began to bleed. You fell over into an unconscious slumber. "I know he will come back for you and if he doesn't... Andy will make him."


	12. Part Ten: Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up in a place you don't recognize and where new enemies are found.

You woke up. You were cold and your head was throbbing, every muscle in your face that moved felt like a pulsating bruise. The first thing that came to your mind was darkness, you didn't know what to think. The first thing that your eyes could see was nothing, you were in a pitch black place. You could feel tight rope bindings around your wrists, your waist in a similar predicament and you couldn't move. Not matter how much you struggled it was if a huge weight had fallen on your body. Much like the huge burden that had been thrown at you when Peter had presented his true side.

You were angry, frustrated, anxious, melancholy. You wanted Negan, you wanted to apologize to him for ignoring his warnings. He never knew that this would be where you would end up, but he truly tried to push you from Peter. Even in the beginning that had been the case. You were never meant to jump into Negan's kill zone, you were meant to obediently watch as the man you had loved was slaughtered. It would have been Negan teaching you a lesson, it would have been Negan helping you find out about what you really needed in this world. Things never would have changed you probably would be playing cards with Negan right this moment. You never needed a man, you never needed love. He didn't want this to happen to you, he knew what happened when someone's heart was broken into two. Not only was your heart broken in two, but it was chained up. Chained up in this pit of darkness, in an abyss of nothingness.

Your face was wet and your body was sweaty, your throat was dry. You cleared your throat and went to lick your lips, but you winced at the taste of your own blood and the bruise that resided their. You had never been in so much pain and it only seemed to be getting worse. You kept telling yourself not to give into whatever dark demon had placed you in this position, but you couldn't help it. With all the horror movies you had watched, you still had yet to learn your lesson.

"H-Hello..." You called out into the darkness, it beckoned you and you could feel a   
presence. "Is anybody there?"

"Yeah someone's here." A smooth country accented man had answered, his light hearted and playful tone putting you off. "Don't worry, everything will be okay, darin'. We just have to fix ya' up a bit, then we can let you out free. Just a precaution really."

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused." He began laughing, a loud clink was heard and a light turned on. It spread throughout the room, revealing his features, revealing his sadistic smile. "Pig Face? That is your name, right?" He stalked over with a. crumbled up piece and dirt covered piece of paper in hand. His eyes narrowed on the paper and his head went back a bit as he took in whatever script was written there. "It's what Negan calls you I think. That is what Peter wrote here. But I don't know if that's what Negan calls you in private, right?" He hunched forward, close enough to where you could feel his rotten breath on your face. You could make out his features, his smirk and his scarred cheek. His eyes were dark and his hair was scattered and black. One of his eyebrows was burned off, the other intact. His features would have been handsome if it hadn't been for the scar, almost similar to Dwight's.

"W-Who are y-you?"

"I'm Andy." He held the paper up before you and dramatically took a step back to spin around. He was in a pair of jeans, boots, and a beige button up shirt. The sleeves were rolled up, dry blood crusted on his hands.

"A-Andy?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"Where am I? What do you-"

"I don't want to hear your stupid ass questions." He waved his hand and cocked his head. "I will answer all of those in time. Right now," He clapped his hands together and crumbled the paper in his hands. "I need to get you ready. Prepare you for your new role. Train you, whatever the fuck it is, and then we can get down to business, babe."

"Business?"

"Yep. You are going to be my slut girl, just until I can get Negan to kneel for me that is." He winked at you, you violently hauled yourself up against the binds still unable to move.

"I'm not doing fucking anything for you!" You yelled, your wrists having a mind of their own as they yanked against the twine. No use.

"Okay, okay. Let's calm the fuck down here. Do I have to enforce punishment? Because I will do it."

"Fuck You!"

"Darlin' let's be civil here." He held his hands up in defense, a charming smile forming on his pink lips.

"Civil here?! You want me to be your sex slave, you piece of shit!" You growled and snarled, a caged animal trying to escape. There was no way you were going to allow this man to do anything to you.

"It's only until Negan cooperates." Your breathe as heavy, it was save to say that you were panicking at this point. As your chest heaved you lifted your chin and glared at Andy.

"The day Negan cooperates with you is the day that you will never see. Negan isn't going to give up his authority just for me!"

"I know he will because he did it already." Andy shrugged, he tossed the balled up paper over his shoulder. "According to Peter," Andy crouched down with a clipped grunt. "Negan had broken almost every single one of his rules just to make you happy. He even abandoned his wives for a week from what I heard. He would do anything for you and what better way to get a man than where it hurts?" You scowled. "At his dick! Right? All Negan thinks about is his dick. He'll do anything to get in that pussy of yours." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pocket knife, at the click of a button the shining blade flicked out. "And I am willing to bet that means that he will not like me being in that pussy either." He stood up and stepped closer to tug the sharp knife at the ropes. The circulation in your hands returned instantly and your body was free to stand up as he slit the bindings around your waist and ankles. With deep shallow breaths you tilted your head in Andy's direction he was looking you up and down, nodding his head.

"This will be really fun, Pig Face... No wait..." He held a hand up and shook his head. "I don't like that at all. How about um-" He crossed his arms, eyes shooting up as he stood deep in though. "Cum Bucket?" He smiled at pointed at you. "Because that's what you will be, a Cum Bucket." You swung your arm around to hit him in the face, he slunk back with a hiss as your fist met with his nose. You went running ahead of you, moving your hands across the dark wall until you found a handle. "Agh Fuck! You Little Bitch!" You could hear him following not shortly after, you jerked the door open. Your eyes squinted as they were met with a bleeding light, you rushed out into the open and went sprinting. Andy was already not far behind you, sprinting with the pocketknife still clasped tightly in his hand. "No, she's mine!" You heard Andy yell and then you took a second to investigate your surroundings.   
  
With a bated breath you came to a complete stop and started to circle, started to notice the minor problem in your attempt to escape.

You were standing in a junk yard, scattered buildings surrounding an open courtyard. Junk cars and wooden crates and old tires sitting around at random points in the muddy ground. There were about twenty men that you could count, they were working on a working vehicle or standing around and watching the show. Men carrying rifles and large knifes, men that were well equipped. The junk yard was surrounded by a metal fence, but its perimeter was humongous. More men began to pour out of the buildings and you were frozen. Where the fuck were you?

You were pulled from your awe by Andy's rough embrace. You struggled against him, but found that it was useless at the sight of your surroundings. His arm tightened around you and you winced, other arm barring your torso and grabbing your neck fiercely. Your head was tugged back into his shoulder, the pock t knife brought to your throat.

"You Stupid fucking girl." The blade barely pierced your throat, digging in gently till blood leaked down. Your teeth clenched and you grabbed his wrist.

"Stop." You choked out, your mind racing a million miles per minute. He shoved you away from him and you fell to the ground, your free hand grabbing the slice that had been made to your throat.

"I can't kill you, but I can hurt you very badly dear. So if I were you, I wouldn't do what you just did again." You closed your eyes and dropped your head.

"You are going to hurt me anyways."

"Yeah, I am." You pulled your hand away from your neck, your eyes opened to slits and you looked down. All you saw was red. "And this isn't even the worst part. It gets better. Let's start with what you are wearing." You stood up, your hand holding your neck again. By this point blood was all over your chest and neck, a deep red. Andy took a step towards you, you backed away. "It would have been easier if you hadn't tried to escape."

Two arms wrapped around either side of you, two men pushing you closer towards Andy and you screamed and writhed. He drove the knife up under the cloth of your shirt and tore it open, your bra falling open with it. "What beautiful tits you have here?" You elbowed one man in the gut, the movement causing the knife to dig slightly into the flesh of your belly and you bounced back with a wince.

"You Fucker! Stop! No!" Andy reached a hand out to touch your bare breast, you shook your head in embarrassment. Then Andy was suddenly tackled to the ground, you continued to try and break free only to recognize that it was Simon who had tackled him to the ground.

"Motherfucker!" The two men wrestled for about a minute before another member of Andy's group managed to tear Simon away. It was Peter, Peter was the one who had pulled Simon away. Peter punched Simon across the face, causing the older man to stumble back, then he drew a gun and pointed it at Simon.

"Enough!" Andy shouted and everyone turned to look at him, you breathless thrashed your body around to escape. "Get him-" Andy wiped the blood starting to flow from his   
nose. "Get him on his knees, Pete." Peter went straight towards Simon and kicked the back of his calves, Simon fell forward onto his knees, hands held up. "How did he escape?"

"He's harder to handle than you think, boss."

"I don't give a flipping fuck! We have at least fifty guys here and you couldn't fucking keep him from getting out! Fuck!" He stopped, his cowboy boot tapping on the ground and his one on his hip as the other held his bleeding nose. His eyes then found yours, you swallowed and looked over to Simon with wide eyes. _How did they get Simon? Where was Negan?_ Strands of your clustered up hair flew around before your eyes, some sticking to your sweaty forehead. "Give me the gun Pete." Andy held his hand out, not once breaking his eyes from your figure. Every so often you could feel him staring at your bare breasts, blood trailing down from the cut on your stomach.

"How about this?" He gestured to the men holding you back and they released you, you immediately went to cover your breasts. Andy walked over and smiled at you, he held the handle of the gun out to you. "Kill him."

"No." You shook your head violently, he frowned and wrapped a forceful arm around you to pull him into his chest. You were spun around so you were facing Simon, he unclenched your fingers and forced you to hold the gun. Tears began to flow from your eyes, your cheeks becoming drenched in the physical sorrow. "I won't do it!" Your furiously put all of your strength into escaping Andy, then his finger forced yours into the trigger.

"Wait." Andy lowered the gun. "Who am I fucking kidding here?" He chuckled in your ear. "Simon's too valuable. Get go get the Irish Asshole." Pete left to go do as was requested of him, Simon looked up at you with narrow eyes.

"Simon, I can't-"

"Shut up or I will shoot him." Andy shouted right in your ear and it began to ring, you tilted your head away and his chin rested on your shoulder. Peter came back about two minutes later, the silence ended as his sobs entered into your range of hearing. He was thrown next to Simon, put onto his knees. You shook your head and went to move your hands away as Andy forced you to lift the gun. "Now this is much better. This guy isn't worth fuck to Negan." Simon's eyes were dark, his expression of dread directed to Victor who was sobbing quietly in his place.

"I can't do this! I can't!"

"Yes you can. Here, cum bucket, I will help you." Your body arched as you felt Andy put pressure over your finger on the trigger.

"No!" You screeched so loudly, Victor looked up. He looked right into your eyes, he gazed into your soul. Your breath hitched and the gun ignited, the weapon pushing back into your palm, your finger pressed into the trigger. You watched as the bullet traveled through the air, straight to Victor's head and through his skull. Your screams dulled down, your body shaking and Andy laughed as he pulled back, the gun leaving your grasp. Simon was watching you the entire time, he watched as you fell to your knees and stared blankly at the scene. You had never killed a living being before, you had only ever killed the undead.

"Sugar cube, it's gonna be-"

"Get him out of here, Pete." Andy ordered as he spat at the ground. Simon was brought back in the direction of where they were holding him. He yelled obscenities and fought against the men that had started to get help Peter. He gave you one last glance before he disappeared into a building. You felt a hand pat at your head, weaving through your hair and gently tugging. "You need to be a good girl now. It is so much easier if you just listen." His hand morphed into a fist and you were picked up off the ground with a yelp, much similar to how a lion cub is carried by its mother. "Now it's time, to get ya' ready for the real show."

Andy dragged you away, the last thing you saw before you were pulled in doors was the dead body of Victor. Blood pooling around his limp head, his ginger hair mixed with red and the back of his skull blown out by a colt 1911. You would never forget his eyes. 


	13. Part Twelve: Actualization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You come to realize something that you should have before and it all had starts with a simple gesture from the Dread Pirate Roberts.

It had seemed like forever since you had last seen the sunlight. After you had killed Victor you would have nightmares and sometimes cry for long periods of time, Andy would take care of it with a slap to the face. That ultimately was what had caused you to silence yourself entirely, you didn't talk even when Andy expected you too. Negan hadn't shown up at all, Andy didn't like that and in the end you would be the one who would have to suffer for it. Your role at the Junk Yard was fairly direct: you were Andy's whore and he had no problem showing that to every one. Andy would keep you locked away in his room for most of the day, wearing a skimpy red pair of lingerie that showed the numerous marks he had placed on your body. You would be chained to the wall by your ankle, a shameful bed of ripped up smelly sheets and pillows stuffed with leaves at your side. The food he gave you was at a minimum; a can of fruit, scraps from his dinner, sometimes he wouldn't even give you anything, your body was slowly starting to feel the effects of lost energy.

When Andy took you out to play, like a doll that he owned, it would never be during the day. You were expected to sit beside him as he ate his dinner, on your knees and you were expected to kiss his boots when he ordered as such. It would always be in front of his men, what he did in private was much more sadistic. Although Andy had yet to sexually force himself on you, you knew that eventually he would and your greatest fear was that it would be in front of Negan. Andy would give you fresh cuts with his knife and no matter how much you struggled he enjoyed fondling you. You could feel yourself gradually begin to give up, you hoped everyday that Negan would come through those gates for you.

As for Simon, you had only ever seen him once since Victor's death. Your guess was that he was being forced to do the dirty work around the Junk Yard. The days grew longer and when a week passed by, so did any hope you had that Negan would find you here. The usual routine occurred: Andy would beat you a little bit after his morning piss, he would leave you to do his work. At around mid-day, he would return with food and then beat you again. He had made it as his excuse for dealing with aggravation and tension, the cowboy then would leave to go back to work. Sometimes not returning for hours, all you had to tell time was a clock and it was set back an hour because Andy liked to make himself think he was always in a hurry. However, today it had been different, it was an one of his men today.

You assumed that it was because he was too busy and part of you was thankful that you would not have to receive your second beating of the day. You were so sore and bruised, your face covered in purples and blues along with the rest of your body. The man that entered was much different than the men you would see walking around, his face was oddly familiar. He had narrow jaws with prickly brown beard hair and a bald head, dark brown eyes that carried a certain anxiousness. In one hand held a paper bag and in the other a sharpened knife.

You had thought for a split second that this man was probably crazy and that he was here to cut you up into little pieces by Andy's orders. But if that was the case, Andy would just do it himself.

"He told me to give this to you." His deep voice wavered and he was visibly shaking. He held the bag up and tossed it to you, you caught it and sat back. The bag was heavy and fragile, but not overly so.

"Who?" You opened the bag up, inside you found a bright red apple and a... buttercup? You looked back up to Doug, only to find that he had disappeared back out the door. You were confused, a bit cautious. You pulled the apple out of the bag, then the yellow weed. It was odd that anyone would send you such a plant in your predicament, you wondered about it until slowly you started to realize that it couldn't have been from your captors. There was a folded up piece of paper at the bottom of the bag, your eyebrows furrowed as you curiously pulled it out with the flora. You unfolded the paper with trembling finger, likely the shaking was due to low blood sugar. _What a doctor you are?! Read the fucking note._ You were afraid, this could be one big joke by Andy himself and you weren't sure if you were prepared for it. The note was written in dark penmanship, blocky and firm, almost angry. But the meaning behind the words couldn't have shed an emotion farther from the way it was written:  
  
_That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying “As you wish”, what he truly meant was, “I love you.” And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back. -_

_Your's Truly, Dread Pirate Roberts._

It would have been a simple message to anyone else if they had read it. You knew that this couldn't have been from anybody other then Negan. What other man would know about your time spent watching the Princess Bride other than the man himself? Your heart swelled and foamed with affection, a smile forming on your pale and purple lips. Your cheeks blushed and a warmth erupted at the center of your soul. It was Negan. There was no other explanation for what you were feeling other than love. True love. You didn't feel this with Peter before you had learned his true intentions, you felt butterflies and awe with Peter, but with Negan it was a completely different sensation. With Negan you felt like your world was slowly being put back together, like your insides were an oven waiting for him to throw in the coals.

_As you wish._

He had said that to you and just the thought of it was sending you into a sense of self-recognition. You knew that you were in love with him then, perhaps you always had been and you were too stupid to properly understand it. Negan knew that you weren't in love with Peter from the beginning, he knew it because love was no normal emotion. Love was something you experienced when you held another in high regards, so high that you would abandon all hope for yourself straight to them and they would do the same for you.

The moment Peter had said that he 'loved' you, you should have let him go because Peter had never said that he had 'cared' about you. Negan did, Negan had said it, Negan cared about you. You should have stopped being so blind, you had never needed Peter to fulfill your loneliness because you were never lonely to begin with, Negan was always there for you. All along your greatest fear was losing the friendship that you had had with Negan, your greatest triumph was realizing that that fear was alright to have. But it seemed like facing that fear months ago would have been much more better than sitting here in a stench ridden room with nothing more than your thoughts to busy yourself.

You frowned as your sentiments came whirling around, festering inside the boiling pot that had settled in your vessel. You had broken Negan's heart, even if you would never have gone along with being his wife, he had confessed his love to you and you had blatantly turned him down. He had confessed it many times to you and you had been an idiot, you had pushed him aside every time: When he had hugged you, when he was about to kiss and when he actually did, when he was drunk that one night and had cussed you out for not being his, when he had ignored his wives for a whole week so that he could remain at your side. He had done so much for you and you were starting to realize that it hadn't just been when you were under his care that one week. It had been ever since you had arrived at the compound.

_**He had looked at you with a deep expression, a serious one, his eyes scanned your dirty face and your glistening tears. Then a smile intruded on his moment of strictness, it bled into you and shun like it's very own sun.** _

_**"What's your name, kid?" He held his gloved hand out to you, you hesitantly took it as he gave it a gentle shake.** _

_**"(Y/N)." He licked his lips a few times, that smile fell for a split second as he stared into your eyes before going straight back into a much more fabricated grin.** _

_**"Well (Y/N), you have quite the ugly face, don't you? Has it always fucking been like that?" You cocked your head at him, your breath picking up at his assertion. "It kind of reminds me of a fucking pig, ya'know? Especially that-" He looked down for a moment, losing his baring before looking back up at you and winking. "That nose of yours is pretty-" He choked up on his words and shook his head, running a free hand over his lips. "fucking disgusting." He finished, but the words weren't as convincing as you had expected them to be. "I'm going to have to call you Pig Face from now on." You cringed at the nickname and glanced down to prevent looking into his eyes. You had never been called ugly before, you knew it would have happened someday. "So Pig Face, how about you come work for me?"** _

You could remember that as if it was yesterday, none of the others in your group were asked to work for him. They were forced to do it, but you, you said yes.

_**"What about that fucking one right there?" Negan asked, the both of you standing side by in front of George's mansion at Hilltop. Negan was waiting for the Saviors to finish loading up the truck.** _

_**"Which one?" You leaned in closer till your chin was on his shoulder as he pointed in the direction of an old man hunched over a cabbage patch in the gardens. "Ugh, I don't know." You were very uncertain about his choice, but it was a game and there was no way you were going to back away.** _

_**"Come on, kid." He turned his head and your face was an inch from his, his smile fell and he stepped away so your head would drop from his should. "He wouldn't be able to see it fucking coming."** _

_**"It's not nice."** _

_**"Well, we aren't very nice people are we?" He snorted, Lucille swung up onto the shoulder that you had leaned on.** _

_**"Alright, how much you wanna bet he won't fall for it?"** _

_**"You don't even have the guts." You stuck your tongue out at him before starting in the direction of you he old man. Negan's jaw dropped as he watched you go, a throaty laughter leaving his throat as you went.** _

_**"Excuse me, Sir." You made yourself loud enough for Negan to hear, the old man wasn't that far from the both of you. The man made a grunt as he stood up straight, an arch still in his back.** _

_**"Hello, Darling." He rasped out with a slight nod, you paused to look directly in Negan's direction. He shook his head with a small frown. "Can I help you with something?"** _

_**"Is your mommy a baker?"** _

_**"No." The man's eyebrows furrowed intensely as he dried his lips.** _

__**"Because you've got some really nice buns in them trousers." The old man looked like he was about to have a heart attack and all you could hear was the sound of laughter coming from Negan's direction. You couldn't help but crack a smile yourself.  
**   
You went back over to Negan, he wiped the invisible tears from his eyes. 

_**"I'm sure that his arteries weren't the only thing clogging up over there, Little Pig." You chuckled and waved a hand at him.** _

_**"Yeah, whatever." You quirked an eyebrow at him sarcastically and tilted your hips into the palm of your hand on your side. "It's my turn, Sir." You began to search Hilltop for another woman that Negan can flirt with, he had no problem whenever you would choose a female. Apparently he didn't care what they looked like, as long as they had a vagina he was all 'up' for it, which kind of made you question why he had never flirted with you. Why weren't you attractive? You pointed to a chunky woman; she was sitting on the steps in a dirty shirt that was far too right for her, she had dirt between her teeth and just the look of her made her stench seem present nearby.** _

_**"That one?" Negan pointed at the fat lady you had picked out and you nodded with crossed arms.** _

_**"I'm willing to bet that she will fall head over heels for you. All you have to do is breathe on her."** _

_**"Look I don't need another admirer." He held a hand up and shook his head. You shrugged, crossing your arms.** _

_**"Then I guess it's my win." Negan smirked, his tongue wedged between his perfect teeth.** _

_**"Besides, I did her last time." He wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes in  
disgust. "There is one woman here that you have managed to miss."** _

_**"And what woman is that?"** _

_**"You." You froze in place, your reaction causing Negan's mischievous grin to widen. You weren't supposed to say pick up lines to each other?!** _

_**"I thought it was against the rules of the game."** _

_**"I never said that." He cocked his head and held a taunting finger up to your nose. "I said that you couldn't react if the opponent did you."** _

_**"But I haven't chosen myself."** _

_**"Your the only fucking person you can't choose, sorry little pig. So it's my go." You tightened your features and lifted your chin.** _

_**"Hit me up, Negan. I can handle anything that you've got."** _

_**"Fuck..." He muttered under his breathe, you were a bit taken aback by his expression. "Okay..." He took a deep breath. "Did it hurt you when you fell from heaven?" You held a hand up to you mouth to keep from giggling."Because-" He stopped, his smile had gone away with his amusement. You were wondering why the sudden change.** _

_**"Because, what?"** _

_**"Because you obviously fell on your face?" His voice cracked as he finished the sentence, almost questioning. You gradually began laughing, it wasn't a whole hearted laugh, but one that broke the silence.** _

_**"Thanks, Negan. I take that as a complement." He didn't smile once. "I guess you win."** _

_**"Nah. I didn't get you to blush. It's all yours." He walked away and you watched, puzzled and flustered.** _

He didn't like insulting you, how could you not have seen it before? He had insulted you because he didn't want you to be with him, because he didn't think he was right for you.

**_"Can I ask you a question, Negan?" You placed your book down onto your lap and stared up at him._ **

**_"Anything." He put his glasses down and looked over at you, his eyes were sleepy. It had been a late night, you had offered to keep him company so that he wouldn't get bored._ **

**_"What if I left?" It was an odd question at the time, but you could trust him by asking it. You had everything at the Sanctuary, but you felt trapped like you should be out doing things, doing more. You did a lot, but you wanted to do things you had never had the oppurtinity to do before the outbreak. You can't do that stuck behind a brick wall with over a hundred dead walkers chained to the other side._ **

**_"What do you mean? People need you around here." His voice held offense, he didn't like that question obviously._ **

**_"I don't see myself making progress here in the future. I want to find someone, start a life maybe." He grabbed his glasses more forcefully and slid them back on, his eyes darting back down to the paperwork with a sigh._ **

**_"You don't need that. Why would anyone want to start a new life in this fucked up world? Have children?"_ **

**_"It's what humans are good at."_ **

**_"Excuse me?" He rose his gaze again._ **

**_"Humans, they plant seeds to start anew. It's what we do."_ **

**_"But we also are destructive, irresponsible. We'll burn those seeds while they are still in the ground." Grungy, suddenly aggravated, but you weren't willing to budge._ **

**_"I was a doctor before all of this. You know that-"_ **

**_"Yeah, I know. The reason why you are so naive is because you choose to only see the good things in this world. Because you are a doctor, because you help people. I don't expect you to understand." He bit his bottom lip at the interruption. "There aren't anymore good things left to look at."_ **

**_"As I was going to say." Your fingers tightened around the book. "Humans aren't all that bad, some of them just do bad things to survive, but they can still be good people. That is all that we see in this world, I stay here in the Sanctuary because I see a chance at making things right this time around. I see a chance at not doing bad things so that we can survive, but problem solving."_ **

**_"This place sweetheart, doesn't begin civilization. It keeps us alive."_ **

**_"My point exactly, but one day," You smiled a little, taking Negan aback. "One day I might be able to have kids with someone that I love. One day airplanes will fly again, ten times greater than the generations before and dead things won't be rising up from the graves."_ **

**_"I don't see how you can have such faith. Why would want to leave for something that you aren't even sure is going to happen?"_ **

**_"It's what humans do, we plant seeds."_ **

**_"Well for my sake I hope you have planted yours here." You didn't want to comment on Negan's compliment, you knew then that you were going to stay. Not because of yourself, but because of Negan._ **

You had never regretted that day, it was only about three months ago when it had been brought up. You had made the right decision then, but the decision you had made to go with Peter had been a wrong one. You heard the door to room click and the knob spin, you immediately shoved the bag, flower, and apple under the sheets. Andy popped his head in, he was smiling like the Devil who had won his keep.

"It's show time, cum bucket." He held out jazz hands, kicking the door open further with his boot and stepping forward. Behind him was Doug and in his left I hand, he held a whip.


	14. Part Thirteen: Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy is for in more than he realizes.

Andy had hauled you out into the open air, finally you were able to see the sun and feel its rays. Everything was like a haze; you could see Simon, he was standing with his wrists tied in front of Peter. You could barely make out a group, multiple faces to be exact and they all were all familiar: the Saviors. You were going home, you were going to be free. You looked vigorously for Negan, all you wanted to do was see him, see the real him after finally solving the puzzles that were your constipated emotions. When your eyes cleared up, you squinted toward the crowd to find it parting.

"Bring Simon over here." Andy instructed Peter, Peter dad as he said and you were thrown down onto the ground next to him. "Keep holding the whip Doug, I will need that later." Andy took a place beside your kneeling form, your head directed to the Saviors. Andy's men surrounded them, a circle created, they in the same proximity. Negan peeked out from the opening that the crowd had made, Lucille accompanied with in a thirsty state. His eyes immediately found yours, his jaw taut as he roved his sight across your beaten body.

"Well if it isn't the man himself? How are you doing, Negan?"

"Why the fuck would that matter to you? Let's get down to business. You..." He pointed at Andy. "Have fucked with the wrong person."

"You don't remember me?" Andy asked, there was a long silence before Andy leered over his shoulder at me. "I'm offended." He stalked over to you, one foot in front of the other, deliberately. Your breath hitched in fear, he pulled his pocket knife out and crouches down to your level. He looked back at Negan expectantly, getting the exact reaction that he had wanted.

"What the fuck do you want?" Negan asked, his words hitting at the bottom of the voice box, an octave lower and he wouldn't sound like Negan.

"I want..." Andy emphasized the 't', he brought the knife across your cheek. You closed your eyes and whimpered as the tip of the knife trailed down to the jugular of your neck. "Lucille. It's real simple, Negan. I want the object that you killed my brother with."

"So that's what this fucking is? Revenge?"

"Not really, no. You see-"

"You have really fucking messed with the wrong people, you stupid fuck." Andy glowered, his other hand came up swiftly to lock your jaw and the knife dragged sharply across your smooth purple ridden cheek. You let out a scream of agony, blood flowing from the thick cut. Negan stepped forward, but stopped as a gun was pointed at him. He was becoming impatient, ravenous.

"No!" Andy pointed the bloody knife at him, he snarled visibly. "YOU have messed with the wrong fucking people, partner." He drove the knife back over to your vessel, right above your collar bone. "I will kill her, or..." He chuckled and stood, turning the blade in Simon's direction. "I will kill Simon."

"Fuck you." One of Negan's Saviors chanted. "Yeah, we are going to fuck you up." Another said.

Andy ignored them for a much simpler approach in his mind, he rose his hands up. "One of them has to die today, Negan, otherwise neither of them die and one of them has to suffer. All unless I get Lucille." Andy tossed the knife in his hand. "So make your choice."

"Don't do it-"

"Did I say you could fucking talk, cum bucket?!" You dropped your head submissively, embarrassed as he called you out by your newly arranged nickname. That made Negan even more furious, his grip on Lucille tightened.

"If you fucking think I am going to fucking give you Lucille you have another thing fucking coming for you, boy."

"Oh really?" Andy held his hand out, not once pulling his eyes from Negan. "Doug, give me the whip." Every one watched as Doug silently walked out to Andy, he gave him the brown leather rope like object and was ordered to go back. Negan watched with feigned interest, until Andy moved over to stand behind you. He cracked the whip, emitting a flinch from you that you didn't know was there. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, you should have known this was coming. "How does this sound, Negan? I could do it in the front, but I figured her face was messed up already, right?" He snapped the whip again and your entire body jolted, you opened your eyes and Negan was staring directly at you. You shook your head, assuring him, his shoulder rose and fell rapidly with his breathes. "What was that you said about Lucille?" Negan didn't respond and the whip cackled again with the swing of Andy's hand. You anticipated the hit before it came, far before it left Doug's hand. The blood dripping down your cheek and neck were starting to dry, an incessant stinging coming from the cut.

"Don't you fucking dare." Negan warned, his eyes dark and abyssal. Your hands clenched, grabbing onto your nude, scraped up knees to cope with what pain would arrive. Then it came down, there were shouts from the Saviors and a quiet yelp coming from you. The one most displeased of them all was Negan, he didn't once look away. Better to take in all your pain so that he can pass it on to the asshole inflicting it later. You fell forward, your forearms holding you up as you hunched over to the ground. Crisp tears began at the corners of your eyes, the whip came down again. It cut through the skin, the new lash bleeding out intensely. You gritted your teeth and moved to sit back up, but your body was in immense pain and you were feeling weak.

"That's Two, let's see if you can get to ten." Another hit and a second lash appears, deep in the skin and long ways down your skinny back. You hollered out, not able to reach behind your back and hold the pain as your natural instincts were telling you.

"Fuck you!" Simon growled loudly as he stood up and lunged to Andy, too slow and Peter had pushed him back onto his knees beside you. You began to sob, quiet sobs from your lips and rough tears running down your face. You were shaking with tremors from both the pain and low blood sugar and the terrifying aspect of the situation.

"Three." A breathless Andy choked out, he was sweating profusely and smiling with that wicked grin of his. He looked back at Negan for his reaction, Negan still hadn't done anything and you were beginning to wonder if he ever would. Was this a continuous loop? You would be in pain forever, while he watched.

"If this isn't working for you, Negan, if I haven't gotten my point across then I am going to have to step it up a little." Andy dropped the whip, it fell to the ground with a thud. You tensed up at the sound of a belt buckle, you looked over your shoulder only to be shoved against you bleeding cheek back into the ground. "I'll just fuck her right in front of you."

"Enough! We can come to a deal."

"What deal? All I want is Lucille..." Andy took a wad of your hair into his grasp and he pulled you back to sit up again. The tug at your hair was insignificant compared to the harsh pains and ripping pain you felt at your back. "And your fucking head on a stick." Your head was then pulled into Andy's crotch, the bleeding cut on your cheek right against the zipper. You could see the pocket knife again, tentatively moving across your other cheek.

"Yeah, not gonna fucking happen." Negan started to lean to his right, slightly on his leg, just intimidating enough. His comical side began to shine back through, a comical side that held a dark undertone. Negan wasn't playing anymore. He was pissed. "But how about this? You let my lieutenant and her go and I will fucking let your death be a little," He used his index and thumb to indicate a representation of the smallest amount of pain that would be pulled, almost nothing. "...less painful than it already will be." You rose your hands ups to push away at Andy's thighs, he controlled your struggling. Negan swung Lucille up onto his shoulder. "I thought you were fucking smarter than that? That's your fucking cue to let her go. Now."

"No." He let out a mirthless snort. "You don't run this side show, I do." He wrenched you up to your feet and slammed his lips into yours. You felt like you were going to vomit, doing everything in your power to make sure you did right in his face. You punched him in the gut with as much force as you could muster in your state, but he made no move. He withdrew with a psychotic laughter and smacked his lips. "She punches almost as hard as a man, but those lips taste like fucking cherries." When he turned his head to Negan, Negan was looking at him with a calm expression. "What? She's my cum bucket, that is until you give me Lucille. I haven't fucked her yet, but that doesn't mean I won't." You swung a fist up to shoot across his jaw, his head flew back and you were flung onto your bed. Your back arched and you cried out as you not only fell onto the dirt earth, but all onto your fresh lascerations.

"Agh. Fucking Bitch!" Andy glared at you, holding the side of his jaw and as he took a step forward, a whistling began to erupt from throughout the compound. All weapons were still pointed at Negan, Simon still on his knees, you rolled onto your stomach and laid there. Andy silenced to look around with wide eyes at the tune that the Saviors began to play.

"One thing you have seemed to fucking forget is that I am everywhere, you good for nothing fuck." Negan got closer, Peter eventually drew his weapon and aimed it at him.

"Stay back Negan! I'll shoot!"

"Doug, apprehend him." The whistling came to a halt when Negan brought his hand up. You lifted your chin from the dirt and looked to Peter, who was suddenly being over taken by Doug. Or at least Doug attempted to, everyone watched silently as Peter turned and shot the gun at him. Doug fell to the ground instantly, only to enrage his living companions. After the shot was fired there was a dreadful silence, everyone looking at one another back and forth till finally a move was made.

"Kill' em~!" One of the Saviors shouted and then out of nowhere there was an all out war. Saviors versus the Junkies. Negan was swinging Lucille back and forth, Andy falling back to his secluded corner for protection. Bodies began to drop, guns were fired, blood was shed. Meanwhile Simon was laying flat on the ground across from you, attempting to escape the binds. He glanced at you and nodded his head, his eyes were wide and fierce, peering over your shoulder where the cuts were just visible to him.

"Don't worry, sugar cube. I'm on my way." He shouted, the proximity of his jaw to the ground causing his words to muffle slightly. You groaned as you attempted to push yourself up, your entire body forcing itself to go numb. You looked up to Negan, he was fighting his way past Junky after Junky with his dirty girl. An approaching Andy coming up towards him from behind, a sharp knife glinting in the chaotic cowboy's grasp. All you did was react. 


	15. Part Fourteen: Liberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war has just began, so has the story. And those who deserve their keep will get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter for Your Ugly Face. There is going to be a Two and this will be part of a series. The part Two chapters 1-3 have already been made and will be posted shortly some time this week. I hope you all have enjoyed this portion of the story. Smut will be very soon. 
> 
> I apologize for having posted this so late, but there were several ideas that I had had for this chapter. Because there were so many ways to end it, I just didn't want it to end with Negan suddenly not being Negan ya'know? I hope I caught his character well in this chapter and I hope it doesn't disappoint. :)

There was a war. The Saviors against the Junkies. Dead bodies laying motionless on the ground amongst the battle between factions. Simon was almost out of his binds and you were helplessly on the ground, watching as the man of your life was about to get stabbed. You held a hand out, grasping for life, when had this started to seem so unreal? You did with all your strength, about half a cup of it compared to the gallons you would bring before. You couldn't stand, everything seemed to be in shut down mode. Andy was almost to Negan, pushing through the crowd of fighting men with near ease, and you didn't know what you were going to do. Suddenly a rough hand was at your bare shoulder, caressing, the only comforting thing you had felt in days. 

You looked over your shoulder, it was Simon. He crouched down and tucked his hands under your armpits to lift you up. 

"It's okay, Sugar. We are going to get you out of here." He picked you up to your feet with a grunt, where you stumbled forward into his side. "You need to get to cover." Simon held your shoulders with a firm, protective grip. That was until a hand snatched at the back of his shirt and yanked him away, he fell backwards onto the dirt. Peter pointing the gun down at him, you reacted within a second, jumping onto Peter with all that you had left. He lost his footing and fell back, you straddled his waist and raised a hand placing a punch across his jaw. You sought the gun in hand, continuously hitting him in the face and jerking it from his grasp until he let go. You had gotten so weak and exhausted from the days events, yet your fists had been capable of bloodying up Peter's face and you flipped off of him when the weapon was in your possession. You were better with your fists than with a gun, your hopes were to get a good shot in.

You picked up the gun and, for the last time that day, had managed enough strength to stand properly. You rose the weapon with both hands in Andy's direction. Andy brought the knife up, he was directly behind Negan and as he brought it down you took the gun and pulled the trigger. Nothing but an audible click and the knife came straight down to Negan's back. It merged with his leather jacket, sinking through to his flesh.

He fell to his knees, Lucille dropping from his hand. You went sprinting to the scene, fear and pain alike coursing through your body and adrenaline killing you softly. Andy kept the knife imbedded in Negan's back, smiling with victory as he drug the heavier man onto his front. You were there, picking Lucille up off the ground and positioning yourself just right... You swung. The edge of the bat glided through the air, hitting Andy directly in the side of the head and he came crashing to the ground. 

The action caused the world around you to stop, the violence to come to a halt. The weight from the swing was too powerful for your state, and your left foot went behind you into the dirt to support your body. Your arms sagged down and Lucille's head hit the ground with a thud, you leaned onto it and breathlessly looked back at Andy's body. He was jolting about on the ground, his body jerking and blood coming from the dented in side of his head. You sniffled and licked your lips; your face was wet, your body was dirty, your soul needed cleansing, and you were in a great deal of pain. You could only comprehend the deep sting at your back and cheek and a huge bruise coursing across every limb that was your body. 

The audience, the men around you like statues. The Junkies looking down at their leader, the Saviors over to theirs. You glanced over your shoulder at Negan, getting himself off of the ground with a groan and wince. He reached behind his back and grabbed the handle of the knife, about to pull it out, before he made eye contact with you. His lips quirked up slightly as his hand left the knife to keep it in its place. Negan straightened himself out, taking deep breathes to calm his erratic breathing. His face was covered in droplets of blood and his jacket just the same.

"Don't want to bleed the fuck out everywhere." He muttered, you gave a pained response, he came to you and reached over for Lucille. "Good job, baby. I'll handle this." He shifted the bat out from under you and you stumbled forward with a whimper, his arm goes around your waist to hold you up. "It's okay. You did really fucking good. Hold my arm." His arm was held out for you told hold, he takes a deep breath as you shakily grasp it for a stance. He lifted his head up and looked around, everyone was watching, waiting for their orders. Even the Junkies didn't know what to do. He cleared his throat and gestured to a twitching Andy.

"Now we all know what happens when you fuck with the wrong people. Now don't we? Or perhaps I need to be a little more specific because this shit will be shut down no questions!"

"F-Fuck..." Everyone looked to Peter, who was holding his bleeding face and snarling at Negan and you. He pushed himself up to his feet, spitting out the blood that was starting to submerge from his lips. "Fuck you! I'm in charge now and we are never going to stop! Ain't that right boys?!" Peter held his arms up, he peered around the distant crowd waiting for a response, nothing came. Lazily his body arched forward and he took a deep breath, you had beaten him badly. 

"You, my boy, are going to suffer really, really bad. Nobody cares about you around here, their real leader just took a kiss to the fucking skull. There is no way these idiots are going to listen to you." Negan pointed Lucille at Peter. "Someone throw that little shit in one of our trucks out front!" Simon stood up, a hand was hovering over his left side and he smiled as you met his gaze. Peter wouldn't be able to hurt anybody ever again. Two of Negan's men did as he requested and none of the Junkies stopped them as Peter was torn in the direction of his demise. You held Negan a little tighter, you couldn't lose this. He was almost all yours, regardless of how much you had of him, he had become your ultimate necessity. "As for the rest of you fucks that were with him," Negan flicked his head in your direction to Simon, Simon came walking over to force you from Negan's side. "Ahh Fuck!" Negan's hand flew to his shoulder. "That shit hurts!" He swung Lucille once with his other hand before hunching over and looking about the crowd, which had now formed a circle around him. "You all are going to get on your knees." Negan waited patiently for anyone to move a muscle, the Saviors started to part from the crowd. One by one the enemy men started to fall to their knees, they had dropped their weapons and they were completely at the mercy of Negan. "And you all are going to fucking listen." When it was just the Junkies, Negan made a quick glance around him to ensure that they had followed his command, returning his gaze to you he nodded his head. "Come here." He waved his hand at you, expecting you to come to him. Simon walked forward with you, meaning to help you, but as he did Negan held up a hand. "Just her."

"I-I can't." You responded shakily, tears continuously draining from your eyes, but your stoicism didn't break once. 

"Yes. You can." Negan wasn't asking, he was demanding and you could never not listen to him ever again. You stepped forward, the safety that Simon provided had left you and as you made choppy steps to Negan he held a hand out. A few more steps to Negan and you would have gotten to him, but your foot brushed too far forward and you were falling to the ground. Negan caught you before you hit the earth, lifting you up into his grasp. He placed his hand on your shoulder, caressing his fingers across the purple flesh. "They belong to you now. Tell them who owns them, let them know." Your bottom lip wobbled and your eyes keened, you wiped a tear away. You had managed to kill their leader, you, not Negan. That must have meant something, some sort of sign that you weren't a mere piper anymore. You were the big boss, like Negan, or at least you hoped. You took a deep breath, Negan stepped away with that gleaming smile of his.   
"They're all yours, buttercup. My gift to you." You considered the many things you could say, the many burdens you could upon these men in moments. But they weren't like Peter and Andy, you could see it in their faces, they were trying to survive. 

"I just want what I wanted yesterday," They all looked at you with glimpses of confusion or doubt. "I want to go home. I want to sleep and eat and drink." You blankly rubbed your palms over your face to slide the wetness away. "So I don't give a damn what you fucking do with yourselves. As long as you don't do what Andy fucking did we won't have any problems." Andy had died by now, not as slow and painful as you had wanted, but just about. A good hit to the head with Lucille could keep a man alive for hours, today it had only done that for a few minutes. At least he was dead. "I want to go now." You could have told them to do anything and yet you were just discarding them to the side. All you truly wanted to do was escape, get out of here and be in a comfy bed with the Princess Bride playing on the TV. 

You paused for a moment to stare at the lifeless bloody body that had been so callous to you in its final moments. You knew there was more you could do, more punishments that needed to be dealt. Andy had caused you a trauma that you would probably never notice until you least expected it, but you would never let it imbed in your soul. Fuck Andy. And Peter, Peter would suffer a horrible time under Negan's watch. Negan would drag it out, Negan wouldn't let him ever die, not matter how close to death Peter seemed. You let out a breath that it seemed you had been holding.

"And I want his body..." You pointed at Andy's corpse. "Strung up at the front gates of this fucking junk yard, so that you all get the point. If I don't see it next time I am here, then I fucking will castrate every single one of you personally." Your mind had taken a dark turn, this world had changed you before, but this experience had made you stronger. Your eyes shifted to Negan and he was tapping his boot at the ground, his hand on his hip as he stared at you. 

"Let's go home, princess. Let's go home." 

It was almost too much to be real. You were leaving the Junkyard as its master, not as its slave. The Saviors had loaded a majority of their goods into the trucks and the Junkies had remained on their knees the entire time. Negan had brought you back to the RV, you had a white t-shirt wrapped around you. The wounds and fragility of your body would be tended to back at the Sanctuary, where you would get food and water and sleep. You couldn't wait. 

It all had happened so fast: in one day you had recognized your love for Negan, you had killed a man willingly, you had ordered around your very own group, and then you were on your way home as if nothing had happened. As if Negan and you were coming back from a run. You should have never allowed yourself to leave from the beginning.   
Negan had brought you into the RV, you were weak both mentally and physically at the moment so he had removed the knife himself, despite your protests to wait once you got back to the Sanctuary.

You were then sitting where it had all began, where you had chosen Peter over Negan, where you had blindly thrown real love out the door. Negan was shirtless, bandaging his shoulder, no matter how difficult it was for him and sitting across from you. You were sitting forward, your back not making contact with the seat and your hands resting loosely on the table as you patiently waited for conversation. You would have accepted anything from Negan, you merely wanted his affection. 

Your eyes blinked out of tiredness and exhaustion, dark circles residing under them with the dry blood and the bruises. You were mess; your hair was in knots, you smelled, you were beaten and cut up. There was denying that you were far from a 'buttercup' in that moment. Negan tied the bandaging, he placed the rest of the roll on the table and then he looked up at you. His eyes scrutinizing your tiny figure, your droopy expression and mood. You hadn't broken eye contact with his form once and then it was his eyes that you could not bare leaving.

He stood up from the booth obnoxiously, stomping around it to your side. 

"Is this seat taken?" You smiled and shook your head, scooting over as best as you could. He stuffed himself in, his arm spanning down the back of the rest of the chair. 

"I was really talking about your ass, but this is just fine." He shrugged, you couldn't help but laugh. It had been a while since you had last laughed and it felt good. 

"Well my ass belongs to me so..."

"I figured as much. As hot as those buns are, I would keep them to myself too." You chuckled, dropping your chin down and gradually leaning back. You didn't enough pressure on your back to hurt, but you leaned your neck into Negan's arm with you torso against the seat. You closed your eyes and sighed, Negan shifting beside you and fidgeting like a lost child. A grumble escaped his thirst, followed by a sharp wince.

"Damn, I don't know how you fucking deal with it. This shit is worse than a kick to the guts." You hummed back in your dream like state, the scent of him and the feel of his ragged breath against your raw cheek was soothing. Your eyebrows furrowed and your eyes drifted open, you tilted your head to look at Negan. He was staring at you. "Did you get my message?"

"Yes." Your voice was barely a whisper, but grungy and smelly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, it's alright. No one would have known-"

"No. I am sorry that I had never noticed."

"Noticed, what?"

"That I love you." You could feel him starting to grow uncomfortable, fidgeting even   
more. "That I put you through this mess."

"I-l-" He cleared his throat, one hand brought up to cup your cheek. You placed your hand on his chest, his arm curling around your neck to bring you closer. "I don't think this is a good idea. It was better that you never knew that I lov-cared about you, it was best that way."

"No." You shook your head vigorously. "It was the way it was because we loved each other."

"I never said that I loved you." You didn't want to believe that you had gotten the wrong idea. Negan had said that he cared about you, that was nearly the same thing.

"But doing anything for me is love." He caressed your good cheek with his thumb. "You protect me."

"What happened today wasn't protecting you." His lips puckered and his jaw tightened. "If it hadn't been for me you wouldn't have been in this mess."

"Don't blame it on yourself. I was stupid."

"Don't you ever say that again." He hissed, the very idea of degrading yourself further repulsed him. "You are extremely intelligent, but you let your emotions cloud the reality of things. We can't be together like this-"

"Then what is this? What the fuck am I feeling Negan?" You were so cluttered with emotions and pain. You just didn't know anymore. "How can we be together? I can't go back to the way things were, I can't live like that."

"Be my wife." Negan pressed his forehead to yours, you almost wanted to cry again. Almost.

"If I become one of your wives, everything that you think about me will change. You won't look at me the same way anymore, Negan." 

"No. I won't, which is exactly why I want you to stay away from me. Why we should just forget this." He was doubting himself, he was at war in his own mind, unable to decipher which choice would be best for you both at this point.

"The message you had written for me, did it mean nothing?"

"Of course it meant something." You looked down, his hand sliding from your face in dread. 

"I don't understand." 

"People like us don't have happy endings, we just don't."

"We do." You wanted to agree with him, but so much had happened between you both, you wanted to be with him more. "They aren't given to us though, we make them ourselves." Negan pondered your answer, he had never wanted to suck you into his heart. He could never lose you like Lucille, he could never handle that sorrow ever again. If something were to ever happen to you, he wouldn't recover, he would go insane. And slowly, albeit over these past events, he was starting to realize that he couldn't do anything about it. Whether you were with him or not, he would still have a break down. There would never be recuperating, no healing.

"I don't know. I just don't fucking know." His arm released you and he stared down at his lap with gleaming eyes. He loved you so much. But losing you would put such a dent in him. Being with him would only make it worse for you. And fuck why couldn't he have controlled himself?! Why couldn't he just let you be? Now you knew how he felt about you and now you knew how you felt about him.

"What if I find someone else again, Negan? Someone you don't like. What if I fall in the love with them?" His arm was there again, clinging to you with just enough strength to prevent any pain. 

"That ain't fucking happening. You're my buttercup."

"Then what is this? Why is it a big deal?"

"I'm not good for you."

"I'll determine that on my own. And I have already decided that..." You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him tight against   
you. "I really love your ugly face." Negan's serious expression was split by a Cheshire grin.

"Oh doll, I love yours too. So fucking much." He kissed your forehead and chuckled, you would soon join his laughter.

Maybe today wouldn't be the day, but tomorrow will be. Maybe tomorrow won't be the day, but some day after that can be. Negan loved you. He knew that he couldn't take you for himself now, but he surely could do it later. And you would never be one of his wives, but one day you would be his only one. He knew it and he hoped that deep down inside you understood that too. 

You did and you couldn't help but think, on that calming ride home, how awesome it was having an ugly face.


End file.
